I never thought I would be the type of person who couldn’t just ‘let things go’. Over the past year I have asked myself why I let it get to the point of me not being able to even speak to you EVER again. All I wanted was to explain myself, because I knew I had let my frustrations toward you get the better of me. Our friendship was completely toxic. And you didn’t understand a bit why. Maybe, that’s what infuriated me the most. I was hoping that after seven years of your 3 ring, fuck-fest-circus you called Life, you would have owned up to the shit you dragged me through and taken responsibility for it. It seemed perfectly easy for you to call out to your Facebook audience and proclaim how “I have changed my life for the better, sobered up, and am being a much more positive person”… but you couldn’t go to the ONE PERSON who literally had your back and held your hand through practically ALL of the bullshit. No one else put up with your drunken antics, except me.
My last bit of tolerance finally gave out when you called and woke me up at 3:30 in the morning to tell me to drive over to your house and pay your cab fare. You were out with some random friend that you hadn’t seen since college, who apparently ditched you that night. Of course, you also wound up with out any cash on you, and the cab driver wouldn’t leave your drive-way until you paid him. It had been weeks since we last hung out. Obviously, from the sound of your voice, you had been out drinking. The only reason why I even answered the phone was because in case of an emergency. I barely had $20 to my name (which you said you would pay back.. and you did). But at this point in our friendship we were barely hanging out, and every time we made plans you would bail. I never understood how you wound up in the situations you did… but magically you always had someone to save you (95% of the time it was ME). From that point on your only concern in life was yourself and whatever was a convenience to you.
From that point on, I wanted to just keep you at a distance because of how frustrated I was with you. Only it wasn’t just you calling my ass in the middle of the night… it was EVERYTHING. Everything I never touched base with you over. And to be honest, it may seem to you like a lot of trivial shit… but to me, it was more. Over the years I was your designated driver, chauffeur, roommate gone maid/lost my shit and was living day-to-day with anxiety… body guard, wingman, doormat, scapegoat… hell, even your drunken black-out punching bag one night.
Sorry, for seeming so “holier than thou” (as you said) for wanting to hash things out. No need to worry about someone having “unsavory opinions” about you.