• When You Love Another, Yet Hate Them

    by  • February 23, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 14 Comments

    The feeling is undeniable and invincible and cannot be destroyed or tamed. You could throw it into outer space, find the ends of the earth at its deepest darkest abyss and throw it there but it would still stay. The feeling is indestructible and uncontainable.

    Lasting years that feel like lifetimes.

    A love so consuming but that truly is hate, I hate you, I hate what you’ve done to me and who you’ve turned me into and what you’ve made me feel. If only you knew.

    But in the same instant, I love you. I love how I feel at the best moments, I love looking into your eyes when you’re laughing. I love how my love for you has made me smarter and has grown me into who I am. If only you knew.

    There is no balance or difference from the feelings, they are put into one. One feeling of a destructive, beautiful, sinful, exhillarting experience.

    Take me into your arms as you did once before, I will fight to get there like I once was. A pure life full of suppression is worth nothing. Let my sins and darkness be exposed, be expressed, be set free. Here I am, nothing to hide.

    Except my feelings for you. Which cannot ever even be whispered into atmosphere.

    Talk about catastrophic.

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    14 Responses to When You Love Another, Yet Hate Them

    1. ANON
      February 24, 2016 at 11:31 am

      Beautiful piece of writing, I can really relate!




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    2. Loves paradox
      February 24, 2016 at 12:08 pm

      Nice piece, I like it.




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    3. anony
      February 24, 2016 at 7:17 pm

      this has to be one of the most powerful and passionate entries that I’ve ever read on LINS… very beautifully written, it was a pleasure to read.




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    4. The Lawn Weed
      February 26, 2016 at 1:32 am

      The little brown rabbit is eating dandelions and wondering if love can be a sin.




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    5. Redaura
      March 9, 2016 at 9:33 pm

      Love is a funny thing, it can be the best experience of your life. It can leave you breathless with the realization of life’s greatest treasures and experiences.

      Or, it can leave you breathless the same, with the realization of life’s greatest tragedies and misfortunes. Leaving you to have the veil taken from your eyes so you see just how cruel the concept truly is.

      As you Author are saying, putting those feelings into one for one person, shows me without ever meeting your person, that they are the type of toxic attractors that subdue your mind into potentially permanent waters.

      They find it amusing and self gratifying to repeatedly revive and drain their victims, until all they are left is dry heaving on the ocean shore.

      They are like the sirens of folklore, pulling those listening to their deaths. And I am sorry to tell you, that once you have heard the sinfully delightful music, it is near impossible to unhear. It is like trying to erase a person from your mind. Which is what you will have to do in order to find peace. To escape.

      You may find some sort of happiness or contentment at times with your person, but you will find that their presence wrecks everything around you, and not gently. And they will leave you at the very worst of times and come back around when they think you’ve picked yourself back up enough to miss them and forget their actions.

      But do not forget, do not forget and you will just be another forgotten face and name. Remember, remember what they do to you. Get away, go before you are blue in the face and losing all oxygen.

      Remember, poison is never an antidote.

      -Redaura




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    6. @ Redaura
      March 10, 2016 at 1:41 pm

      Wow, that is some comment you gave here …. it gave me goose bumps just like the authors letter …

      I can’t wait to read more of your thoughts and maybe a letter!




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    7. Awesome
      March 10, 2016 at 3:22 pm

      Just awesome.




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    8. Redaura
      March 10, 2016 at 6:52 pm

      = Peter C




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    9. Pablo Neruda
      March 13, 2016 at 11:49 am

      I do not love you except because I love you;
      I go from loving to not loving you,
      From waiting to not waiting for you
      My heart moves from cold to fire.
      I love you only because it’s you the one I love;
      I hate you deeply, and hating you
      Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
      Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.
      Maybe January light will consume
      My heart with its cruel
      Ray, stealing my key to true calm.
      In this part of the story I am the one who
      Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
      Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.




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    10. K
      June 30, 2016 at 1:28 am

      J?




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    11. How
      June 30, 2016 at 1:36 pm

      is the author of this awesome letter doing?




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    12. Author @How
      July 1, 2016 at 12:38 pm

      Wow, thank you. 🙂

      I am.. Trying to hold myself together these days. I know life is never perfect, but these past few months have been especially trying. I’ve been trying to desperately to rid my world of the negative and toxic elements it has, but it is one of the most difficult things about myself to deal with and explore.

      My person now knows of my feelings for them, or has known for a long time, and just about three weeks ago told me they knew. We had a discussion about it. Filled with tears, from me, because I was not at all prepared to have that kind of conversation. I can’t ever be with my person for so many reasons, but this was vital to me that it is now out in the open.

      The months since I’ve written this letter have been me fighting to get back to my old position, and I got there. I did. But I lost so much along the way.

      I’m ready now, more then ever, to let go of this person. They don’t love me. They don’t care about me. And sure, the pain puts a bit of a sickly sweet tint to poetic writing, but in the real world, this kind of love is just plain not worth it. You need someone who is going to value you, love you in return, and care about you above all else.

      This love that I’ve spent these years on was neccesary for my self growth, but continuing it now is just self harm.

      So, all in all, I am doing okay. Not good, not terribly bad, but learning. Growing. Spending many days isolated and digging into the deepest layers of myself.

      So thank you, I hope you are doing well.




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    13. How@Author
      August 16, 2016 at 8:35 am

      It’s good to hear you are doing well. I so sympathize with your story and feel as if I have been in a similar situation to yourself.

      The conversation I had with him gave no answers, no room for me to speak. I didn’t and I still don’t know what to think. 10 years on and off FWB – or something like that – in the end he seemed to want more from me than I could give at THAT point in time. Seemed as if he hatefully twisted everything on me for not giving what he wanted, but then when I tried to make some effort to move forward with him, he had a problem with that also!

      Couldn’t win either way. I suppose after ten years of it all, it was too late. Thing is I always loved him, and yet because I always accepted that he didn’t want a relationship with me, I never treated him as I would someone I love in a romantic relationship and then when I did in the end he despised me for it!

      That’s pretty much how it ended seven months ago now. Aggg.

      Seven months of pain and misery, not knowing. Not knowing if I spent all those years mistakenly treating him like a casual thing when he wanted more, not knowing if that’s why he was so angry when it ended, not knowing if he’s just a cruel thing, I just don’t know. When we tried chatting on the phone he gave me no room to speak, nothing he said made sense (since it all was contradicting) and then he ended it with whatevs!?!?!?!?! Talk about gaslighted!

      I am just suffering because he hasn’t let me have my say. He must know that I love him by now. If I knew this would end with such a dramatic exit from my life I would have just gone along with the whole “relationship” thing. I don’t know. Everything I thought I knew, I don’t. Just blabbering on I guess. Hoping someone can understand, identify.

      You are right when you say “You need someone who is going to value you, love you in return, and care about you above all else.”

      And yet I am just struggling to let go without my answers. Ag! I’ve never felt such pain of heartache before. It’s near debilitating. If I could go to the people in that movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and have all parts of my memory concerning him erased, I would. Hurts too much. 🙁




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    14. Author@How
      August 18, 2016 at 4:49 am

      Thank you,

      I truly feel for you. I know so much of the feelings you are describing. I wish you entirely the best and to find someone who is healthy for you. I know they are out there for you and me, somewhere.




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