So this is me again. This is me, writing to you, again.
Sometimes i wonder if you ever wrote to me too, but never had the courage to send anything. Kinda like me. I personally don’t think you did, you said “we’ll never contact each other again” and you’re better at keeping promises than I am. Clearly.
The reason for this letter is, i started to think of you less. It’s surprising. The day we met, your birthday, the day we started dating, all these came and went and I didn’t think of you on the day (only two or three days later i realised and thought “bloody hell, i forgot about it”).
I’m sorry if I’m not making any sense. This isn’t even the reason for this letter. I’m writing because I’m on the brink of falling in love again. I started dating someone and now i think i may actually fall in love. I feel im almost falling in love. It’s an odd feeling.
The sad part is, you’re always there. I almost type your name sometimes, when we’re texting, or say it when we are talking, and it’s scary, I’m scared. I’m scared i may forget dates and talks and your favourite ice cream and all that rubbish but I won’t forget you.
I think i still love you.
I don’t know if this is love. If this is nostalgia. If it’s simply me being stupid and trying to find an excuse to break up (like i always do). I know that if you called me now and said “let’s run away together”, I’d go. I’d go in the blink of an eye, in a heartbeat, in a millisecond.
I just don’t know if I’d stay. I don’t know how long I’d run with you. I don’t know if i can keep up your pace.
Who the hell am i kidding. I’m talking as if we still had a chance. We don’t, i ruined it, i know. Believe me, i know it very well.
I needed to say this. I’m sorry. I’m sorry i ruined you, and me, and us, and the amazing thing we had and the hypothetical future we had. I’m sorry for being a coldhearted run-away type of person. You deserved better.
I hope you never call and ask me to run away with you. Because I’d go. And it wouldn’t last, because we’re too dysfunctional to last, and I’d break three hearts this time, mine, yours, and the one i left behind, bruised and battered, like i once left yours. I want to be a better person this time.
I still think of you, sadly.