All these years I have been holding on to so much anger and pain, so I am learning to let go. And try to let go of certain people like you in the process. But you impacted me in ways that I don’t think you know. You were there after I got out of rehab, you’ve been there through the dark parts of my depression, you’ve been there for me on days like Father’s Day and just those Sundays when all I could do was get out of bed to get ready for you and I know it sounds pathetic but you were like my reason to wake up and try and do better despite what we were doing. People say you took advantage of me when I was vulnerable but I asked for every second of it. I loved every time you would make me come over and give you a gram of blow because I knew you knew that I just wanted a way to runaway with you and if that meant I had to be your little whore, I loved it. Looking back, I wish though there was things we could have done like normal friends and partners like just go to the movies and dinner, go for strolls by the river, make breakfast together, get coffee, have TV show marathons but it was never like that. I just wanted to hold your hand and talk for hours but you’d much rather have taken the lines of blow and then fucked my brains out then gone to bed. After a while, I started closet drinking again and it got to the point of everyday and I even hided my meth smoking. I wish I could do those things with you so at least you could see this darkness. But makes me wonder if you’d have stuck around like I did for you. Or you’d just bail. I’m sobering up a lot, I don’t even smoke cigarettes anymore so I am learning to let go of just normal day things like that but what I find the hardest is what could have been. How do I let go of that?