• How do you..?

    by  • February 20, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 7 Comments

    How do you turn down and stop seeing someone you deeply love who cannot commit to you? How do you explain that they cannot give you what you want? How do you explain you have found someone you don’t love just yet but who can give you what you want?

    How do you not sit on the fence in limbo and wonder which choice is the better to make?

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    7 Responses to How do you..?

    1. Peter C
      February 20, 2016 at 5:04 pm

      I guess the question is – when do you want to turn down and stop seeing someone you deeply love? Everyone finds their own answer; one such answer might be – when continuing to see them is actually hurting me, hurting them, or hurting someone else I care about. It’s not clear from your note that you are at that point yet. You may be in future, if your feelings develop for the person you don’t love just yet.

      When faced with a decision, the first question should often be: does this decision have to be made now? Not all decisions need to be made now, some can wait. Perhaps this is one of those. If that’s true, then the way to avoid sitting on a fence is to be open to the potential of a new relationship. See what develops, be gentle with yourself, don’t artificially force something to grow or to stop growing. Eventually, you may wake up one sunny morning and find that the path has made itself clear to you. And then the choice is no longer theoretical but real and clear. So much easier! 🙂

      Peter




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    2. Very easy
      February 20, 2016 at 6:40 pm

      You choose the person who loves you rather than the one you love?

      Why? Because as you can see for yourself the person who doesn’t love you will have a hard time committing to you. Unless, you’re a woman who will do just about anything yeah even getting pregnant to get the guy to commit. Oh, yeah in this day and age some women still do and some men still fall for that trap. I don’t recommend it though because sooner or later things will fall apart.

      So going back to your question. Choose the second person. Make sure he or she is a good person.




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    3. What if they do?
      February 21, 2016 at 8:05 am

      Want to commit for they proved it when the times were great. Have you thought that they weren’t sure what you wanted because you pulled away for some time which only added to the confusion. Do you remember? You were over the moon as was I. Yet once more on here making your decision to strangers not the one you are meant to be discussing this with. So I say choose number two for I’m number one. How could they trust you? For you haven’t even spoken have you. Closure in real life would be nice if anything. You’ll ruin that first person if you don’t. If you truly loved them then you should care. Should.




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    4. author
      February 21, 2016 at 11:09 am

      The person I love is committed to someone else. I am single. The sex and conversations are great – I feel closer to this person than anyone else I have ever met, but I have no illusions about riding off into the sunset with them. It was a choice I made – not one I’m terribly proud of, but one that I made. There were no promises made between us, but we were friends for a while before becoming sexually involved. I have never expressed a desire to be more because I knew what I was getting into and didn’t think asking for more put the other person in a fair position. Obviously, of course, I’ve become somewhat attached.

      I’ve found someone available, however, who I genuinely like and can offer me the things that I want, i.e. availability, commitment. Unlike my person, I am unwilling to be committed to someone and have sex on the side with someone else – I don’t know if that makes me hypocritical, but it’s not something I want to do, even if my person has been doing it with me. I don’t think that my person either realizes, suspects, or cares about the idea of me wanting to be with someone else, but it’s a big unknown and I’m unsure of how to handle the situation.

      There are three very obvious reasons why my person and I can’t continue 1. I’ve developed feelings 2. This person has a significant other, which means limited availability and commitment 3. I want a long-term, committed relationship with someone.

      I feel guilty for wanting more than this person can provide.




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    5. idk, but...
      February 21, 2016 at 11:09 am

      What you are not doing is not fair to the second person. Sounds like you are using them as a bandaid.




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    6. correction
      February 21, 2016 at 11:09 am

      What you are doing




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    7. @author
      February 22, 2016 at 9:28 pm

      You come across as someone intelligent & one of a calm mind. I can’t say the same for myself when I get upset. Ive been hurt too much & if I wasn’t so empathetic it’d be easier, I wouldn’t be here either. I only am like this to a partner or in my silly state it must be LINS! Im getting to the point where I’m maybe better off being alone & am now starting to have thoughts of being what I swore I never be again when heartbroken & then was single, years ago. It goes against all my morals yet it’s so much easier & completely stress free. No dramas at all. What I’m about to ask you is purely one of understanding & non judgemental? Why did you/anyone for that matter fall for someone that’s (a) in a relationship already (b)have a second potential partner which are interested & have invested themseves in you. Not having sec yet with them you said yet isn’t that emotionally cheating on them? That can be worse I’ve read? Trust is a key component to any relationship & how can you trust yourself in the future to not do this again? I wouldn’t trust you TBH for this is no small fib, white lie it’s right up there for most people. I feel your a good woman, one whose morals are different I’ll say. Please don’t think I’m having a go here as I’m not now. If I’m overstepping here I’m sorry in advance. I’ve learnt so much here.




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