• Things I can’t say

    by  • February 18, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, Dating • 1 Comment

    I feel more alone with you than when I am alone. I never thought about death so deeply until you entered my life and I don’t know how to be free. You make me feel insecure. You make me feel small. Parts of me wish I had never met you, other times I’m grateful for the lessons on what to never date. I’m miserable and I hate opening up to you. I wish I could make you feel the way you make me. Maybe you’d stop belittling me, making me uncomfortable, saying things that hurt. But… I know you don’t care. You say you do, but in less than 5 minutes, you’re preoccupied again. I wish you would just go away and that I could gain the courage to break up with you.

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    One Response to Things I can’t say

    1. Peter C
      February 20, 2016 at 4:50 pm

      Wow, that’s a pretty clear statement you are making. The only positive thing about staying in this relationship is a lesson on who never to date. And it seems to me you’ve learned that lesson very well already. Misery has a momentum just like joy has, it can swirl you along in a river of crap for a long time if you don’t swim against the current and break free. It sounds like all you are missing is enough courage.

      How to break up? All I can say is, you have to be decisive. You may find yourself wanting to not hurt their feelings, sugarcoat what you say. This is not the time. If you’re not direct, you leave hope in the other person that you will change your mind. Also, focus on “I” statements. Whether you’re pissed or sad, saying “you did” or “you did not” just makes the other person defensive and angry. You want them to hear you clearly. And then you need a good exit – otherwise things will circle forever without closing. It’s often best to say “I’ve said what I needed to say, and now I need to go.” Don’t hang around hoping they will agree with your logic, this is your time to be decisive, not to gain agreement.

      I know you didn’t ask for advice on this, so feel free to disregard, but you sounded unhappy and trapped and I’d like to help if I can.

      Peter




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