I am embarrassed, I embarrass myself. I did this.
I don’t expect forgiveness, even when I groveled at your hands, holding them to my face, I didn’t expect forgiveness from you. I was mostly panicking because I realized that this was the last time I would get to hold my love. So I held your hand imagining as though you’d never pull it away. But as I held it tightly, I knew that soon I would have to let go.
When your hand finally left me, I could feel that you were happier. As you distanced yourself from me, I knew that was where you belonged.
Whereas before, I felt as though this was another quarrel, when you told me that you felt the weight lift off of your shoulders, it became real. something we would inevitably work through, and get through, I knew it was the last time I would hold that warm hand. That hand that used to be safe, that hand that would one day wear the ring that we picked out together.
I called the crisis line to get some insight and counseling, I was told that this was your decision, and that I was not to beg or ask you any longer to stay with someone you wish not to stay with. If I love you, I don’t want you to be with someone that you cannot be happy with. I love you, and I want you to be happy. I realize now, that you cannot be happy with me. I accept this.
I will be okay, I will recover and I will focus on the beautiful things I had in my life. You were one of those beautiful things, and I will always think of you as I drift off to sleep, as if the thought of you may provoke happy dreams.
And even though, we will part sooner than I had hoped, I will undoubtedly love you until death.