• the new me

    by  • February 15, 2016 • Moving On • 3 Comments

    I was so confused. I just wanted to forget it ever happened. you started it and now you act like this about it. I don’t want to speak to you or even think about you for a very log time. you act like you are all open to shit and now you act like this. I’ve always been honest about my sexuality and you act like you are the same. but you aren’t. I’m not going to let this ruin me or ruin anything. fuck this helped. now i know who i am and you know who you are. Let’s just put it this way. never going to drink with you again. I’m going to be myself and fuck everyone else. you opened my eyes and i’m happy because now i can accept myself and accept that love is confusing and complicated and so worth it. even the heartbreak is worth it because now i know i’ve lived through it and it can only get better. I’m going to live my life and fuck what everyone else thinks. I will love myself and love others and not you or anyone else can make me fell bad for that. I may wake up in the middle of the night and regret it but at the end of the day it helped me see me for me.

    I’m proud of who i am and i will go on in life to be someone amazing.

    3 Responses to the new me

    1. @aurthor
      February 16, 2016 at 2:22 am

      You should never feel bad about who you are. If someone doesn’t accept you for who you are, then they aren’t worth your time. The last thing you would want to do is hide or run from who you are. Embrace who you are. Face it, maybe it’s something easier to deal with, than run from.

    2. Wise words from @aurthor
      February 17, 2016 at 9:36 am

      From @aurthor, funny for when I used my phone occasionally I pressed the “R” by accident & had the same title. Ignore what was previously said in the other article you wrote, that man(me) should have stayed his tongue. I am sorry. My last night here so amends must be made for what its worth. I don’t know who you are so don’t please don’t take what this confused man said. I could be anyone. Though I did take with a woman on Reddit about this too? I’m laughing at myself. For I had the same name she spoke of yet there are billions of us. She never spoke in real life of this to me? So it is more than likely not me. Yeah I am the one who became lost here. Never again. I have lived a life previously that one could write a series on, books or TV. I don’t speak of this past for I wanted a normal life & I did in a single night many years ago. Do I miss it. Yes & No. I would most likely be dead or like some of the people I once knew extremely wealthy. Extremely! I’m not materialistic like I once was. We forget it is the ordinary things that are the extraordinary. I learnt this. Love is what I hold most important to me. Anyhow that’s my thoughts & I’m getting sidetracked…

      In my colourful past I have done what you are talking or thinking about. From my personal experience I saw that it leads down a a one way path of destruction between the original person your in love with. It works for some. It’s hard when you believe they’re the one. In a sense it is still cheating on your partner. That is how I see it. I had a different view when much younger. I have a friend who is still one of the most prolific of this kind. If you met him he comes across as a quiet under achiever. Nothing special to look at either. Yet he sleeps with on average twenty people a month. His record he boasted was forty! How he does that is mind boggling. . He has invited me to many an event like “Eyes Wide Shut”. I did attend that one & FML it was an eye opener. There is more to these events than people realise. I’m not talking about swingers parties or anything here. I shouldn’t be talking about this anywhere in all honesty. These events aren’t meant to be spoken anywhere. These were the elite of society & very powerful people. It goes beyond what is considered normal. I’ll say one word. GOAT. Some of the things I saw was too much for me & I have a open mind to an extent in that regard. Way worse happens I believe. So I didn’t participate for long for how do you think people get their ideas for movies from. They’re not made up I assure you. I’ve built complex & expensive dungeons for people, sound proofing & all. Can’t wake the neighbours up to screaming lol. That’s not a joke :/ No thank you not for me.

      The reason I got upset which was unjustified for I’m a stranger who is someone but no one. That was my jealously rearing its head for the woman I was with never spoke of this so why would I even think this or answer you. Maybe my past memories? I am so sorry for my mis-projection & it was wrong of me & not needed for look how I have made you feel(Maybe I should not send this either) I am very protective of a partner I am with, family members & close friends. Men are meant to be. It’s built in us & any that say otherwise can believe that. Men are still hunters & it’s in our genes. We hunt for money not food to survive now. I’ve been shot, stabbed, had bets broken on me, died multiple times protecting the ones I love. What hurts me more? Emotional pain from a Loved one. For me that emotional trauma is much more painful than anything physical. Because I do have a big loving heart. I’m in the raw emotionally speaking & don’t hide anything if they ever asked me. I have never spoken of what I’ve told you to anyone. That’s just a snippet of my life. I had done more by the time I was twenty three than many do in a life time. I wish you all the best & your happiness is what’s important & though I’m not your man I would say to you that new friend knew you had as partner so he will always be capable of doing this to you down the tract. Sadly this would include you too. Trust is everything in a relationship so choose wisely young lady & be good or good at it. Over & out.

    3. @wise words
      February 21, 2016 at 9:38 am

      Your odd comment on this post is eerie and brings back much nostalgia.
      Thier friend had similar tendencies he was a JA.

      Over and out

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