• sorry..

    by  • February 14, 2016 • Depression • 1 Comment

    what is love? what is life? what are friends? what is anything anymore? Not being able to talk to anyone because you don’t have anyone, everyone leaves you and you’re left alone to deal with all your emotions and they can be deadly but you try and deal with them because if you don’t you are failing yourself. life is this repeated cycle, everyone has this ideal image of what life is suppose to be and how its suppose to turn out and if it doesn’t go that way you are left with other option that are not unknown. everyone gets their heart broken and if you don’t you will nothing can be perfect we all have this image of what perfection is suppose to be and if it isn’t someone then its something. no matter what we all have the image in head. we all have our own opinions but w have the same ones if you truly think about just said in different words. some where deep in our minds we all desire something that isn’t meant to be desired. we cant help it. we all crave something and for me its just to live my own life all by myself an make choices that i know i wont regret even if it was wrong. i am just now realizing that i am meant to be alone. no one uderstands me and even if they think they do they dont. My mind is a dangerous placa because nothing is ever clear up there. one day im thinking to much next thing im not thinking at all nothing ever makes sense but it makes sense to me. i honestly just wanted to vent to someone or even something. it gets lonely sometimes not having anybody to talk to and even when i do they never stick around they always leave and sometimes i dont understand why but its what i have to live with because i cant change what happens. i know i’m all over the place with this but just try and keep up, please. i fall way too deep in love and i always get hurt. i use to want someone so bad. i would see all these post of happiness and people loving eachother and all iever wnated was to have that but it never happened, no one wanted to love me or even look at me. i was just that one girl who had the looks and the body but no one would ever give me the chance to show that i have a heart and that i just wanted to be loved so much. it honestly shaped me that this is my reality and i just have to deal with it. so eventually i just gave up and i became the cold, lonely hearted girl who says the first thing that comes to mind and always gets trashed for it but doesnt care what others think because when i did it didnt help me it just messed me up. i had a bestfriend and she really fucked me over, i was so in love with a guy that i would just make every excuse to talk to him be around him, it became part of my happiness just to look at him and hear that he had once been broken by a girl he thought he loved broke me, i wanted to be that girl who fixed him and made him love agian but i wanst. i told my friend everything she even told me just to confess how i feel and that i would be the one to fix him but she lied. it was her and i was i mean am still so broken, i cry everyday and tell myself that i should be happy that she might fix him but seeing them together just makes me so so so depressed because i thought that type of stuff only happened in movies and she didnt even care that i was so broken. that same day i overdosed on sleeping pills. i prayed that i wouldnt wake up i just wanted it all to go away. but i woke up feeling like shit. i was sick. no one didnt even notice. no one cared i had no one to talk to. i will never understand why i woke up. i dont believe in faith or luck or anything. i stopped a long time ago i just try to see whats in front of me and try not to let anybody in. but when i do its times like this that you dont even know that you have been let into my head. i honestly want to forget everyone who has left me and just start fresh. i just want my memory to restart. i dont make any sense but sorry…

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    One Response to sorry..

    1. Heartfelt
      February 19, 2016 at 10:03 am

      You do have a heart, so warm are your words & a filter is what you need before you say things that you might not have meant? I was the same. Falling deeply in love is the greatest gift in life we are given. Please don’t believe otherwise. I understand you from what you’ve written alone? Do this not say something? No one wants or deserves to live alone. Faith, luck, all of it, it’s what helps us make our dreams a reality. Not it is what it is? Yes I can see where your coming from. Don’t give up. Why I feel as I do? I’ve been there recently & this male will never give up, he’ll get back up & believe in that life is wonderful because it is! So much so I wrote here again….I did this because since I’ve read your letter on the day that brought forth so many feelings of love for one I’m no longer with I wouldn’t want her to feel like you are for she was more than she gave herself credit for & you are too. Beautiful.



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