Sometimes it feels like you’re not even here. How did you get so far away from me? Deep down I know that I was the one that created the distance. I did it for myself I hope you know, I did it for us. All you see is this bright future for us, marriage, kids. How could you be so blind? Open your eyes, maybe you’ll start to see that that I’m finally fading. You make it so easy to disappear. The hole you’re digging for yourself is getting deeper and you’re sitting at the bottom with mud caked hands while I gaze down from the top. I was in the hole too, but I was smart enough to climb my way out before it got too deep. His arms were long and strong enough to pull me up. Can’t you see what you’re doing to us? If you would have just left the shovel on the ground lying next to the shed, we would have been okay. I thought you were everything. Instead you are nothing. All I see is this immature little boy who forgot the growing up part of maturity. There are layers to people. Some have so many while others have only few. You see, you have less than few. You’re just a person that is trying to fit in and makes himself like all those other guys. Why can’t you be something more? Someone with so many layers it takes years to count them all. That is why I crave someone other than you. Him. His layers go deeper than I can dig, I peel back one and another one comes to the surface. He UNDERSTANDS. Being understood is the most important thing in a relationship. So how am I supposed to keep pretending that you get me when you never will. There are shades of me that I will never show you that he has already seen. I try to be strong with you but with him I’m so weak and vulnerable. Vulnerability shows you how comfortable around a person and how much you care. I would give anything to make you understand me like he does. It is like he is the person I fall back on when I need support, and that is so key to getting by in life, you need those type of people. But what do you do when your boyfriend isn’t one of them?
But here’s the catch- I love you. Plan and simple. I love you like there is no tomorrow. Like the sun has left the sky and all we have is you and I. There are no ends to how much I love you. But you’re killing me. He is killing me. I love him too. And it surprises me how much you can love someone when all you’ve felt is the graze of their hand. He is innocent and sensitive and real. I’ve felt all of you, you’ve felt all of me. But what does it mean to do things with you but have him on my mind. I’m the true definition of a hypocrite. How can love become so evil all of a sudden? We were so good before. He was just my best friend, nothing more. How can things change so quickly with no notice?
I didn’t see him coming. And I certainly never saw you leaving.