You know, at the end of the day, i just wanted you to love me. I know that i was delusional and that it wasn’t the best time for us to have what we did, but i hope you know that i loved you the best that i could. I really hope i didn’t break your heart when i told you i couldn’t do it anymore. I wanted us to work, i did, but it wasn’t good for me, and it wasn’t fair to you. I didn’t want you to have to deal with my problems,because i’m so used to people not being able to handle them; or shutting me out or using my opening up to dump their problems on me. I believe that you wouldn’t purposely try to tie me down with your problems, because from what i’ve seen you’re pretty damn selfless. I just wasn’t happy, and the whole time it wasn’t really fun for me or especially exciting because i was stressed and i hated myself. I broke up with you because i’m selfish and i didn’t want to try. I wanted to try. It just isn’t fair to you to have to deal with something breaking and broken because it isn’t your responsibility to pick up the pieces. I am afraid of being loved. I’m not saying that you don’t have flaws, because i’m sure you do. I’m not saying i’m the only broken person in this world and that you aren’t capable of dealing with and learning to care for someone who’s having issues. I’m sure you are more than capable. You would probably be wonderful. I just don’t think i can give you what you want from me when i’m like this, and it’s hard because it feels like i’m pressured to be someone i’m not even though i’m pretty sure no one cares. I feel pressured to be someone i’m not when i’m in a relationship, and i don’t feel comfortable enough to tell you these things. I wish i was.
i’m terrible at trusting people.
I’m still really sorry.
I’m sorry that i can’t offer you anything better than this apology.
I hope we can try again one day, or at least you and i can be friends. Good friends, not the acquaintance kind that only say hi sometimes or shoot a stray text. Because i really did love that.
I’m sorry i couldn’t love you like you deserved.