• The truth

    by  • February 10, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, Closure • 10 Comments

    While I know your words aren’t for me…I still hoped they were. But I know there not. I kept thinking some how it would all make sense but it doesn’t. If you love me you wouldn’t play games with me. I just want to apologize for being delusional. I would love to be loved by someone like you. Thats the truth. But the reality is lifes not a fairy tale and sometimes dreams don’t come true.

    10 Responses to The truth

    1. @author
      February 10, 2016 at 4:19 pm

      Who is this? Give me a clue please. My intentions are not to hurt but to protect my girl. I don’t play games. Especially with your heart. My heart is in it too. I wasn’t suppose to fall in love but I did deeply. I hope this was my girl. I hope she knows I want to see what we have and where we go. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. If this was my girl then this is what I would say, preferably face to face and embraced.


    2. DM
      February 11, 2016 at 7:19 pm

      That’s exactly how I feel & it’s my own fault for my own confusion. I also accept that I’m responsible for losing the Love of my Life. I miss her times infinity. I’m finally letting go of this site.

    3. Lovely
      February 12, 2016 at 10:51 am

      To DM. That is the choice you have to make sometimes. Either go after her or let her and make peace with it. I had to let go of someone that I thought was the love of my life. We never even kissed but we had a passionate love affair. He made a difficult decision to stay in his life instead of running off with me, as miserable as it may be. It took ages to heal and let go, but I’m satisfied that I at least tried to win his heart. Now, I can live my life with no regrets. Unfortunately, for some, these kinds of situations tend to haunt people for a lifetime. I wish you peace and happiness and hope you can let go of this pain.

    4. To E
      February 12, 2016 at 11:19 am

      Why do you say protect? Though I can’t imagine your the “him” I’m referring to. But if you were…I’d say this…I am sorry. I tried but I failed. Now the days pass and I can’t get you off my mind. I feel like giving up. I mean I won’t give up my life like end it…but that without my dream I feel dead. You won’t find me cause I never go out really. I stay in mostly. I never post on this site…I have like twice in the past couple of years…but I read the letters like every day. To not feel so alone.But this site is so confusing. Don’t know if that’s much of a hint. I guess I just thought our paths would cross naturally. Thought I could make it a 50 50 kind of journey…but I have failed and can’t up hold my side…and if this was you of course I’d explain…I do feel he might be trying to protect me…that’s why I asked about what you meant by it? That’s all I can really say. But know this I love him…no matter how things appear.

      The author

    5. @lovely
      February 13, 2016 at 2:23 pm

      Thank you for your comment, there’s one part you’ve said that raised my eyebrow? I would love nothing more than her to be with her yet….oh it doesn’t matter. You speak of “now” you can live with no regrets? For a second I thought it you? It’s ok if it is and your speaking about another for Ive never had an affair in my life. Yet am I wrong in my thought process. I assure you I’m not looking deeply into this. Your speaking in the very present are you not? How can you not kiss and have a love affair? Tha strokes me as odd? I couldn’t imagine not kissing someone.

    6. @Author
      February 13, 2016 at 2:49 pm

      You haven’t failed, far from it. Your being honest & open which is you been venerable. That in itself is beautiful. I say this to you whether you are her or not. I’ve changed my perspective in life these last few months & I won’t be haunted as “Lovely” said. It takes me time when I’ve given my soul willingly to another. I don’t give it out willy nilly & will go to the ends of the Eath before I.call it a day. Der Author your hint couldn’t be more transperant. Am I right in saying there’s now no “confusion” between us? Now as both wanting partners that are “equal” for
      this is what my heart has always desired in life with the one I love.That desire if I’m not mistaken here is you? And if it is I would love nothing more than to listen to your explanation. I would be honoured…? No expectations & I will not judge. That is my promise to you for I’ve never given up because I love her for exactly who she was & is. That’s how much she’s had a profound effect on me & I wonder how
      she doesn’t see this in herself if this is you. I meant what I said to her you are Remarkable S!

    7. @Lovely
      February 13, 2016 at 11:13 pm

      All day today I can’t stop thinking of what you & the author have said. It does get confusing. I feel the hints by the author are her by “confusion & 50 50” which meant as equals? Then you speaking directly to me “Lovely” now saying you’ve set yourself free? Are you saying this because of me? For I haven’t given up & want the woman I love as much as much as the day I met her, if not more. I meant I need to leave here for my own emotional well being that is all not to give up on her. Unless that is what she wants as I would for she taught me the meaning of unconditional Love. That is why I will move heaven & Earth to prove otherwise.

    8. Confused again
      February 15, 2016 at 5:40 pm

      Yes I feel quite vulnerable…posting anything on this site. What I meant by 50 50 is yes equal but also if I’m correct…you have in my opinion put yourself out there more than I have. What you write if your words were to me is more than I have been able to respond to. I know that E and DM are probably neither one the person I am referring to. Plus it was never answered why the protect issue. He would know what I was refering to. The thing is I’m not sure he feels the same. I was never sure…I reached out but had a issue with my phone n lost all passwords to accounts I had. Also yes I have failed…honest or not…I have. The work project I started which I had hoped would cross our paths failed.Thats all I’m gonna say about that but it was also part of the 50 50 thing. We share a common interest. I don’t know what to do now. All I can say if it is you is I wish the confusion was over I wish I knew for sure he hadn’t given up on me.
      The Author

    9. Lovely
      February 15, 2016 at 8:50 pm

      No, I am not your beloved. But, it pains me to see you, or anyone suffer so much. There comes a time when all avenues of obtaining what you want have been taken, all efforts exhausted, when all grieving has occurred. That is when you look at your reflection and decide if you wish to continue to remain in your dark hole of misery. Why not dig yourself out and begin anew? What would you prove to your beloved for staying in that desperate sadness and anger for all of these years? That you do not have the strength to climb out, to overcome obstacles? Wouldn’t she respect you more if you were to move on, get out, get up and over that dark mountain, and start running towards a new beginning, perhaps even a new love? That is why I no longer have regrets. I tried. I tried my damnedness and failed. Then, I grieved. For years, I couldn’t accept the loss. Then, I realized that perhaps, he didn’t choose me because of my depressive, negative thoughts. I realized that I was the toxic element in our lives for making him feel guilty for not choosing me. So, I changed my way of thinking. I forgave him. I realized that I was worth more than a pathetic creature who felt sorry for herself. I sought out things to make myself happy. I realized that I don’t need that person I longed for to be happy. I let him free from my obsessive thoughts and finally found peace. Please, climb out of your hole. You deserve happiness. You deserve so much more than this misery. You are so much more!

    10. Thank you Lovely
      February 17, 2016 at 2:00 am

      Today I did set myself free & am now leaving. What’s funny is no one sees what I write here, aside from her lol. My life is good, I’m successful, work is great, I have many friends & do get out, so much so I have been to a party nearly every week for the past six weeks. No binge drinking though, one or two at the most. She fell in love with the Man who when drinking is a ball of fun, the conversations we had for months before we met physically for I left a very lucrative job, I didn’t ever tell her that I could have run the division up there, I had so many ideas & one’s the industry she’s in. I’m not materialistic, for Love is what is the most beautiful gift we are given in this life, We would have been millionaires within a few years of hard work. I left that & flew 6000km’s to be with the one I loved. I don’t regret it as she is the most remarkable woman I’ve loved. Twin flames to be exact. I’m not sure if I want that again. Who’s kidding. I would have gone to the ends of the Earth for her. There is where I fail in life. I have realised I am too nice & when I stand up for myself when in love I should stick to my guns as I was right. Women want to change men & yes you all do. I haven’t met one yet that hasn’t. Men love their woman for exactly who they are & always will. When we do bring up something its not trival. It’s extremely important. Yet in my expierience they then take personal offense. For example. I’ve gone & sought help. It’s working & in progress. Now did she go when it was blantently obvious I couldn’t help her. I offered to pay for it, go with her or not yet she refused & said no I’ve seen so many over the years there’s nothing they can do for me any more! WHO the fuck says that:( She broke my heart that very second when she said that. I mean no disrespect if your reading this. Why do you think I was so concerned? I was mortified & my when I hugged you I wanted to take all your past pain away. It was so hard on me for it was what destroyed our relationship. Not that you’ll admit this. I was scared of as woman would you believe that! Me a man who has done three forms of martial arts for over 15 years. I never told her that either as I detest violence. I was a Golden glove boxer:) WOW you say for she does boxing classes. Never have I revealed this. It’s not me anymore..as the saying goes I’m a lover not a fighter. It’s true. I’m sorry I’m saying this here for I have to let it out today as I’m leaving here for good today. I’m going to get back on that horse for that’s how men move on from women. That made me smile for women are likely the same. The longest I’ve abstained in hope that has been in vein. I read her letters not just here. Why she couldn’t reach out is why we are no more. She knows why I won’t as the times I tried she rejected me. I’m not mad only sad writing this for if she reached out even now I would say yes. That’s dreaming. So take care, & may all your dreams become reality for mine will & that’s a promise. As I once said “I loved you the moment I met you & to me you are the definition of love” & that is how ! shall remember you for when your you, your the most remarkable woman in the world. AWE…..sorely missed & yes I’m still heartbroken. That is my concern for I am but a figment of my own imagination. From one of my books:)

      P.S. Yes I do ramble on as I don’t edit my writing & say it as I feel. If I did I would pants down be writing like you, A.mused, your friend whoever he is, & some others that are part of a writing group. They were easy to find:)

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