• When someone dies

    by  • February 7, 2016 • Those Gone Before Us • 3 Comments

    You just can’t make sense of it. No matter how much, hard, or patiently you try.

    You just miss them.

    And know they should still be here.

    Fuck.

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    3 Responses to When someone dies

    1. To the author
      February 8, 2016 at 5:53 am

      It gets easier with time! Hang in there.

      Best wishes,
      Steph




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    2. A.Mused @Author
      February 8, 2016 at 1:27 pm

      I am sorry for your loss.

      This is something I think every single day too. I’ve been through loss before and I know it changes – gets better but it never goes away. We will probably always miss them.




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    3. Peter C
      February 8, 2016 at 10:41 pm

      Before we learn what dying truly is, we think it means the absence of someone we love. Like it’s the same photo, but their image has faded away leaving just an outline and memories and sadness. But the truth is more brutal. We discover it is physical – someone is torn from the pages of our lives, brutally cut out, jagged shards. There is nothing gentle about it. Even when you cry your lungs are crushed, it is like you are squeezed by a giant hand. At least, that’s my experience.

      There is no sense in it. I’ve heard well-intentioned people say “we should not grieve any longer, our loved one is in heaven now.” But that is just cruel, it takes many bitter tears before your life can be reassembled. Not fair to leave someone with the half-constructed lego blocks of their bereft life. It needs physical effort, let them sob, give comfort, let the process continue. In the deserts of the heart, let the healing fountain start.

      Like you say – they should still be there. It is senseless that they are gone. My only learning is – be true to your own grieving, it is in staying honest that you find a path. If you do not do the grieving you are allotted, the grief will come find you instead.




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