We’re making progress ya know.
Each time you slightly make contact with my chair, i notice.
When you hand me my book i notice. I see when you do these tiny little things.
These things kill me. Every time you hand me something or get near me i freeze. I cringe because i know that it’s been so long. And I’m most definitely not over you.
We talked today. Well, associated more.
You asked about something, and i answered.
So be it.
It is still progress.
Once you went away, i died a little.
But i told myself, i’m okay. i know that i am okay. so lets just act like i am totally not still in love with you.
I thought about it today.
How we thought we’d stay friends because i wouldn’t let us get torn apart.
But somehow i did let it happen. I let a silly love access my friendships.
I miss being friends with you.
I miss talking like friends.
I miss being able to actually laugh at a joke around you.
I don’t want you to know that i’m not okay. But you probably do know that.
I’m a piece of shit for saying this, but it’s your fault.
You never stopped me.
You never tried to only stay friends.
And yeah, i’m dumb because i didnt see the signs.
But i can’t handle this any more. I want to handle it. It just kinda kills me. It crushes me.
i am really tired
so i suppose i shall sleep