My luck never seems to work, since a young child I noticed things just don’t seem to go my way. I have lost every thing the woman I love my family. If you are to open me up skin deep all you will find o sadness. the world around me seems to be at a stand still and I can’t find a solution. Few years ago seemed my luck had changed,I had just finished my first degree and my daughter was on the way me and her mum was good but I always had my doubts about how faithful she was. Shortly after my daughter’s arrival we broke apart. Next thing I knew she seeing someone else. I was in complete, utter misery. 2 years on I still can’t get over her but I can never tell her that when I visit my daughter. I have never loved a woman like this but she will never know.
Other than that part of my life I feel I can’t trust no one and the only person I confide is in my mother, every one seems so shady. I guess am the problem as I can’t seem to maintain a lot of family relationships and friendships.
This has gotten so bad I had a lot of conflict with my immediate family brother sister name them. Everybody seems to think I am just a sh*t person. most of these days I am by myself as I think everybody thinks I am weird or something.
When I was just 19 I was extremely popular amongst a load of friends when rumours started that I was gay. this is extremely false as I love women and women only but to speak of this . This situation ruined myself esteem and I couldn’t recover a lot of friendly faced turned to strangers and I realised didn’t have one friend to my name.
Four years on I work part time, considering I have a daughter I feel o most pay for her as I love her. Sometimes I visit her and she runs away from me because I don’t spend enough time with her as it hurts because I know she is a part of me.
Meanwhile during all these ups and downs cough cough not many ups as you can read. The downs have been littered with health issues . Fevers,body aches and worst of all depression. The worst form of depression the unable to get out of bed type depression I cry many times to my self with no solution of things getting better.
The worst of all now my doctors fears I might have a serious muscle condition called muscular dystrophy. This is were muscles just fade away I feel finished. i might not be here on a few years when my daughter is 10. Things are just going from bad to worse for me I am not able to stand anymore without pain in my leg.
This feeling is like my life is over and nobody can help me.
This has got to the point were I feel like o have been cursed.