• Forever Changed

    by  • February 1, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, Abuse • 0 Comments

    The aroma of cheap liquor filled the room
    I knew it was about to begin
    Words flew out of your mouth like bullets
    Each one, a shot to my self-esteem
    I knew better than to talk back
    You grabbed me, forcing your lips onto mine
    The brick walls and cement floors, cold.
    You were even colder

    You tell me I’m fat
    You tell me I’m worthless
    You tell me I’m the problem
    You tell me no one else will want me

    Never cry, never struggle
    I prayed for the time to pass faster
    I try not to gag as you force your tongue in my mouth
    You grab me, treat me like your property

    I try not to cringe as you force me to look at you
    Your smile so innocent and deceiving
    Your eyes so truthful, making me feel like I would die
    Your sweatshirt white, the color of purity
    Your actions contradict that as you grip my waist even tighter
    The bruises they lingered, my lies they continued
    I told them you were sweet, I told them you loved me
    Everyone could see but I was blind

    You continued to put me down; I continued to change
    I skipped meals, I went to the gym
    I ran the thin silver razor down my skin
    While thinking the thoughts that you instilled in me

    They convinced me you didn’t care
    They forced me to move on, by my mind never forgot
    Years later and I still think about you
    I think about you when I cannot get out of bed
    I think of you when I eat
    I think of you when I look at the scars
    I think of you when a boy compliments me
    I think of you and you never deserve it

    You told me things that I cannot remove from my mind
    You ruined what were supposed to be the best years of my life
    I believed you. I trusted you. I loved you.
    But that is all over now.

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