• I Dreamt Of You

    by  • January 7, 2016 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 43 Comments

    These days, I’ve moved on. Or at least I’ve been forcing myself to think that way. I know a part of me will always want and love you. It’s not a secret to myself. It’s a fact. I just try to push it out of my mind. Do the right thing.

    But last night, I slept deeper and longer then I have in a very long time. I dreamt of you. Something that used to be a common occurrence. Seeing you was like welcoming an old friend. Like someone who became your enemy, but who you loved very deeply that seeing them after so long what they had done no longer mattered. The wrongs melted away and all that mattered was what was right in front of me.

    Your beautiful eyes that always had a sense of mystery to them but that I always saw the warmth in. Your dark hair that fell to your shoulders. Your aura and vibes that did more then just be a magnet to me. Your everything pulled on me like a criminal being hung.

    In my dream, in my mind, I had the same thoughts I have in my waking life. “Resist resist resist resist, you don’t feel that way anymore, stop stop stop stop.”

    But I looked into your eyes, something I had promised myself to never do again, and there I was, down the rabbit hole. Tumbling, falling, through thorn bushes and fire. The fire and the flood hitting me all at once. Gasoline coated my essence and my demons didn’t hesitate to throw a match.

    It was exhilarating, I will admit, to feel that way again. Waking up leaving me with the after fire. The smoke muddying my air.

    I could return. See you again. Everything in me would love to be around you, to feel your fingertips on my skin. To maybe even hug you once more.

    I’m lying to myself. I’m trying to live the right way and it’s taking its toll on me. My dream reminded me of that truth.

    You’re saltwater, and I am covered in wounds. All you will ever do is burn me. The comfort of the moment, exchanged with eternal pain and scars.

    There’s something about you that I’ll never be able to completely shake. And I’ll search for it in everyone I encounter. But I know deep down no one will ever pull on me like you.

    I hope I never dream of you again.

    But that would just be another lie.

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    43 Responses to I Dreamt Of You

    1. anony
      January 7, 2016 at 11:37 am

      that was beautiful… I’m sure that many can relate. i know i can.




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    2. J
      January 7, 2016 at 12:48 pm

      Jesus that was perfect.




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    3. M
      January 7, 2016 at 1:09 pm

      This one nice read.




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    4. @Author
      January 8, 2016 at 6:26 am

      Saltwater immersing your stinging wounds,
      Looking down at those now healing wounds,
      As the tides draw you back once more.




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    5. Perfect description...
      January 8, 2016 at 12:58 pm

      Of what this feels like! I kinda feel bad saying ‘amazing letter Author!’ But it is.
      I don’t know if it ever stops. Forced suppression is sometimes the only option left.




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    6. The White Rabbit
      January 8, 2016 at 2:25 pm
    7. ...sigh...
      January 8, 2016 at 4:43 pm

      Beautiful letter, thank you for sharing




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    8. DREAMS
      January 9, 2016 at 2:24 am

      I wrote of falling as Alice did the very night you wrote this, infact it was even more similar than that, yet obviously not as beautifully written 🙂 I just wasn’t brave enough to post it, feelings are an odd thing. Best Wishes Dear ~AAA~




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    9. @Perfect desciption...
      January 9, 2016 at 6:57 am

      Why would you kind of feel bad? about what I wrote? Thanks! I wrote the response above yours here too. Saltwater heals all wounds is what I meant. I was about to post my letter. There are man options.. why am I being played.




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    10. Sweet
      January 9, 2016 at 8:35 am

      Song




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    11. K
      January 10, 2016 at 11:53 am

      Kontrol your feelings
      Embrace what is, and understand it’s the way it must be
      Love who you should
      Live how you must
      You are more then who hurt you

      Grow, take this as a lesson
      Every day you need to remember the real fear
      Break this thought process
      Allow yourself to feel the sting, the sting of healing
      Drown your love in bleach
      Love yourself first
      Only you have the power to do so




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    12. Mad Hatter
      January 10, 2016 at 11:57 am

      “Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?’
      ‘That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,’ said the Cat.
      ‘I don’t much care where -‘ said Alice.
      ‘Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,’ said the Cat.
      ‘- so long as I get SOMEWHERE,’ Alice added as an explanation.
      ‘Oh, you’re sure to do that,’ said the Cat, ‘if you only walk long enough.”
      ? Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland




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    13. Author @Perfect Description @All
      January 10, 2016 at 2:31 pm

      Because, the fact is that this is a very deep and painful thing. I would like for everyone to know that my letter was written of pure honesty. And it is painful.

      The comment by: Perfect Description

      Was towards me and my letter.

      Salt water can only heal outer wounds. Mine are on the inside and the out metaphorically, and the way I wrote this letter was describing my feelings as this being acidic salt water, burning; intensifying what is already wounded.

      @Rest of comments

      Thank you all for appreciating this. This is and are my true feelings and I am glad that you appreciate it. I feel so sorry that some of you can relate, as this is a crippling pain that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone else.

      I wish you all the best.




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      • KL
        February 2, 2017 at 1:43 pm

        Acidic salt water ????.. hmm salt water is basic dear .. I got what u meant .. the burning like hell sensation u feel when salt is sprayed on open wound, lovely writing.. wish ur person read this




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    14. Unknown
      January 10, 2016 at 2:51 pm

      “It’s impossible”, said pride.
      “It’s risky”, said experience.
      “It’s pointless”, said reason.

      “Give it a try”, whispered the heart.




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      • KL
        February 2, 2017 at 1:43 pm

        So what did u do?




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    15. Lois Griffin
      January 10, 2016 at 3:03 pm

      The secret to happiness is burying all your true feelings and live in a bland life of suppression.




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    16. i can relate
      January 10, 2016 at 3:17 pm

      “wir haben uns im Traum verpasst”




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    17. Alice Mused
      January 10, 2016 at 4:43 pm

      Alice Mused
      Alice sighed wearily. `I think you might do something better with the time,’ she said, `than waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.’

      `If you knew Time as well as I do,’ said the Hatter, `you wouldn’t talk about wasting IT. It’s HIM.’

      `I don’t know what you mean,’ said Alice.

      `Of course you don’t!’ the Hatter said, tossing his head contemptuously. `I dare say you never even spoke to Time!’

      `Perhaps not,’ Alice cautiously replied: `but I know I have to beat time when I learn music.’

      `Ah! that accounts for it,’ said the Hatter. `He won’t stand beating. Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he’d do almost anything you liked with the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine o’clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons: you’d only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past one, time for dinner!’

      (`I only wish it was,’ the March Hare said to itself in a whisper.)

      `That would be grand, certainly,’ said Alice thoughtfully: `but then–I shouldn’t be hungry for it, you know.’

      `Not at first, perhaps,’ said the Hatter: `but you could keep it to half-past one as long as you liked.’

      `Is that the way YOU manage?’ Alice asked.

      The Hatter shook his head mournfully. `Not I!’ he replied. `We quarrelled last March–just before HE went mad, you know–‘ (pointing with his tea spoon at the March Hare,) `–it was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing

      “Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
      How I wonder what you’re at!”

      You know the song, perhaps?’

      `I’ve heard something like it,’ said Alice.

      `It goes on, you know,’ the Hatter continued, `in this way:–

      “Up above the world you fly,
      Like a tea-tray in the sky.
      Twinkle, twinkle–“‘

      Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep `Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle–‘ and went on so long that they had to pinch it to make it stop.

      `Well, I’d hardly finished the first verse,’ said the Hatter, `when the Queen jumped up and bawled out, “He’s murdering the time! Off with his head!”‘

      `How dreadfully savage!’ exclaimed Alice.

      `And ever since that,’ the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, `he won’t do a thing I ask! It’s always six o’clock now.’

      A bright idea came into Alice’s head. `Is that the reason so many tea-things are put out here?’ she asked.

      `Yes, that’s it,’ said the Hatter with a sigh: `it’s always tea-time, and we’ve no time to wash the things between whiles.’

      `Then you keep moving round, I suppose?’ said Alice.

      `Exactly so,’ said the Hatter: `as the things get used up.’

      `But what happens when you come to the beginning again?’ Alice ventured to ask.
      ——




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    18. Love it
      January 10, 2016 at 5:31 pm

      Lovely letter… Very beautifully written …




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    19. Perfect Description @ Author
      January 10, 2016 at 11:32 pm

      I felt bad calling a letter about something so mindconsumingly heartwrenchinly painful ‘amazing’.
      I know how awful it is. Your letter posted hours after I had awoken from a ‘visit’ from my ex. And I could feel your pain from my pain. In dreamland- all of our wrongs were overpowered by everything that was right about loving each other. We listened to each other. We heard each other. We could see. Everything melted away and for the first time in months my heart was calm and my mind was silent and I could breathe and I felt secure in his arms. And I knew he was feeling the same. We were… I don’t know…joy. And then I woke up. And I was so upset that it wasn’t real.
      Every single day of ‘moving on’ just feels like a lie I tell the world. He’s doing the ‘right’ thing. I’m doing the ‘right’ thing. But it’s a lie. At least for me it is.
      Personally- he’s given me no option but to suppress it. To pretend forever that the other one is simply at the store and will be back shortly. I don’t get why that is the ‘right’ thing to do. Because to forever suppress each other like this doesn’t seem worth the exchange.
      You’re letter resonated. I’m sorry that you are in this state. I’m sorry that I am in this state.
      Sweet dreams.




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    20. The Two Mermaids
      January 11, 2016 at 5:40 am

      She thinks it’s
      A Dream Within A Dream,
      the brain playing tricks,
      A Grand Illusion,
      not meant for her ….




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    21. Author @Perfect Description
      January 11, 2016 at 1:56 pm

      I completely understand.

      The dream state is what everything in us longs to see. It is our true wants and desires that cannot be fulfilled in our waking life. Because so many things turn in the direction that we don’t want hem too, that everything cannot be how it is in such dreams.

      The dream is the perfect world but the one that cannot exist. We must move on because for so many reasons it is the “right” thing to do. I know what my reasons are. And I assume you know yours.

      I’m so sorry that you are feeling the way I am. I am thankful at least that someone can understand where I’m coming from. I really do wish you the best.

      May our waking lives become what comforts us in our dreams- but in the correct right way.




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    22. The Two Mermaids
      January 12, 2016 at 4:32 pm

      Your pain is her pain.




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    23. Author @The Two Mermaids
      January 12, 2016 at 4:53 pm

      Trust me, she is not feeling any pain over me, if she was I’d be completely shocked. I wish she dreamt of me as I do her. I wish she missed me.

      Moving on is the only option left.




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      • Nobody
        February 4, 2017 at 5:07 am

        Why would you wish that she misses you if you are so readily letting go stating that it can’t be? This is your choice and just because YOU made it for you doesn’t mean that she agrees – even if she complies with YOUR choice.
        BUT those are just sentiments from a nobody on the receiving end of potentially wrong rightfulness 😛




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    24. Author @Lois Griffin
      January 13, 2016 at 11:46 pm

      Sometimes, the one who gives us the feelings of fiery passion is not who we are meant to be with. The one who sets a fire in us that cannot die is not always whom we spend our lives with.

      As amazing as that would be.

      You have to understand that the fact that keeps me away from my person, is I simply cannot be with them. For so many reasons that just cannot be explained properly in such a setting as this.

      I wish that right now a bland life of suppression wasn’t the case, but I’m hoping as time goes on things get better.




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    25. The Two Mermaids
      January 14, 2016 at 4:00 pm

      She worries about you.
      We told her to reach out.

      We have to go back home now,
      but you know where to reach us
      If you ever need us.

      41.7325° N, 49.9469° W




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    26. Author @The Two Mermaids
      January 15, 2016 at 6:23 pm

      What are you talking about?




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    27. Author @The Two Mermaids
      January 15, 2016 at 8:30 pm

      I honestly don’t think you know who my person is or who I am.




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    28. @Author
      January 16, 2016 at 6:29 pm

      No, I don’t trust you.




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    29. @Author
      January 16, 2016 at 6:30 pm

      Let go then….




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    30. Author
      January 19, 2016 at 3:39 pm

      These comments aren’t making sense anymore.




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      • Just a number
        January 31, 2017 at 1:59 pm

        Good grief.. How I came across this, il never know, but for some unknowing reason I think am glad.

        I can most certainly relate, although , this was a long time ago ; So long that one would think it was in another life, yet, somwhere within my heart his fingertips remain. I feel that. Its the only proof I have he existed, mind, he has walked past me a few times recently and like the author in this post , I cannot go into detail ot history archive at back of my head and heart for reasons I cant even whisper to myself.

        He’s still the same tall , handsome and charismatic creature to ever walk the earth. But, I walk past like we are strangers who never met. Strangers who hardly existed, but we did…
        I say my my prayer , take a deep breath and let a sigh out.. My body just moves following my feet that stick to the ground like they’re magnets and I continue walking without a thought…but in my heart, there are tears unspoken, left locked..for reasons I cant deatil in here or anywhere else, for everyones sake. Everyone who took us in the direction we are going, from the dark clouds we left off..

        Dreams, are, like ghosts. I can, hand on heart finally say, ghosts I always welcome. Despite the aftereffects when I wake up and feel a little …..hollow. As if there is a piece missing inside of me that nothing or nobody could ever replace, filled with that “saltwater” mentioned above. Yeah, despite all that I still welcome my ghost and its the only place I can find “us” who we were and who we are, who we will always be to one another ..a ghost. A dream.

        Just a dream.




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        • Author @Justanumber
          February 1, 2017 at 1:38 pm

          I’m happy that my letter resonated with you. It’s been over a year now since I wrote this, and so much has changed, as things do with time. I know that you will find someone who you can love even more. Situations like these are never healthy. But yes, the ghosts are always welcome.

          I wish you the very best, and thank you for reading.




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    31. Hmmm, nope!
      February 1, 2017 at 1:11 pm

      I can so much relate to all of the comments, and the original post
      Its a comfort to know that others feel the same, because I feel its somehow impossible to ‘move on’, at least in my heart.
      I don’t expect that to change any time soon, if ever, so I have to pretend (even to myself) that I’m moving on.
      I’m doing all the things recommended for getting over nobody, and thinking of him whilst doing them.
      It physically hurts to conjure up memories of times past, but it’s all I have left
      To let them go would mean letting him go, and that’s just too painful, still.
      At least in my imagination I can smile a genuine smile.




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      • Priceless.
        April 20, 2017 at 2:56 pm

        This year I Nobody who is most definitely somebody. In my mere self representation remarkably & ironically no less, walked past a site to behold that Time itself would have paused. Yes for Time couldn’t believe what Nobody’s eyes also were transfixed too.

        Original paintings/large sketch like representations of such magnitudal colorful life like characters spoken by others here & now. Authenticity given & confirmed. Price tags no where to be seen. Heard once politely requested. No need to worry. The Second hand movement then ticked ever forward once more in earnest to correct his mistake as Time smiled reminding that to pause is to waste what all who look upon the face that we call life. Every second death is but One moment closer. The answer to the price tags?

        We love we live we die. Cycling on our desired chosen journey till our time is up. To be or not to be. Personally…I know the truth & never will I ignore what I already knew. Sweet dreams past tense. now for a once romantic soul. So said all his few loves. Beautiful they all are. For how else did such souls shine. I wont say a negative word though many would. My question is “Is love worth it? ” don’t know anymore. Mad Hatter, from the who is you not your fictional mask dare I wonder shall I ask?




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        • What else to live for but love?
          April 21, 2017 at 1:32 pm

          While I can’t speak for Mad Hatter, or anyone else.. Nobody agrees, generally speaking, with your beautifully written post.




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    32. Author
      April 21, 2017 at 9:12 pm

      It’s so nice to see that this letter is still circling today. It’s crazy that right when it surfaces I dreamed of her again, and so much has happened. I wish all of you luck, and even now, when I should not even be thinking of her anymore, I still am. Often times these haunting loves just will not leave you. And it’s amazing that we can feel so connected to someone, for so long, but not even be with them. But yet it hurts. It still hurts. I fear it’ll always hurt.




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      • Well.
        April 22, 2017 at 3:43 am

        Have you met someone else? Managed to fall in love again? Picked up and moved on? I hope so – that would give the rest of us hope.




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        • Author
          April 24, 2017 at 3:35 pm

          Well, somewhat. I would say yes. I would say there is hope. I’ve definitely felt love for others. But the kind of love like this, I believe isn’t healthy or real. So I believe we all need to realize that love comes in many different forms. I’ve definitely been in love again. I have met other people. In many ways I have moved on and I continue to do so. There is hope.




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    33. EmptytpmE
      September 13, 2017 at 7:59 pm

      You’re saltwater, and I am covered in wounds.

      That truly is one of the best lines I have ever read




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    34. Beautiful...
      September 14, 2017 at 4:27 pm

      <3




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