These days, I’ve moved on. Or at least I’ve been forcing myself to think that way. I know a part of me will always want and love you. It’s not a secret to myself. It’s a fact. I just try to push it out of my mind. Do the right thing.
But last night, I slept deeper and longer then I have in a very long time. I dreamt of you. Something that used to be a common occurrence. Seeing you was like welcoming an old friend. Like someone who became your enemy, but who you loved very deeply that seeing them after so long what they had done no longer mattered. The wrongs melted away and all that mattered was what was right in front of me.
Your beautiful eyes that always had a sense of mystery to them but that I always saw the warmth in. Your dark hair that fell to your shoulders. Your aura and vibes that did more then just be a magnet to me. Your everything pulled on me like a criminal being hung.
In my dream, in my mind, I had the same thoughts I have in my waking life. “Resist resist resist resist, you don’t feel that way anymore, stop stop stop stop.”
But I looked into your eyes, something I had promised myself to never do again, and there I was, down the rabbit hole. Tumbling, falling, through thorn bushes and fire. The fire and the flood hitting me all at once. Gasoline coated my essence and my demons didn’t hesitate to throw a match.
It was exhilarating, I will admit, to feel that way again. Waking up leaving me with the after fire. The smoke muddying my air.
I could return. See you again. Everything in me would love to be around you, to feel your fingertips on my skin. To maybe even hug you once more.
I’m lying to myself. I’m trying to live the right way and it’s taking its toll on me. My dream reminded me of that truth.
You’re saltwater, and I am covered in wounds. All you will ever do is burn me. The comfort of the moment, exchanged with eternal pain and scars.
There’s something about you that I’ll never be able to completely shake. And I’ll search for it in everyone I encounter. But I know deep down no one will ever pull on me like you.
I hope I never dream of you again.
But that would just be another lie.