• Tennessee Love

    by  • September 29, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    I wish I had it in me to write you directly, but for now my avenue of expressing myself is best left on this anonymous site until I have it in me to be strong and write you. You told me you never wanted to talk to me again and you didn’t want us being friends because I got back with him. I hurt you. You felt used and played. You told me I reminded you like girls in the hood who would get fooled around on and treated like s*** but still went running back to their men anyway. I have no excuse for my actions therefireni don’t want to offer you one.. I know writing on a random website, there’s like a 1 in a million chance of you ever seeing this but I hope you do and if that’s the case I hope what I say truly resonates in your heart and mind because it’s all genuine and thought out and mostly felt deep within my heart. I want to be vulnerable with you the way you’ve been with me before. I just want you to know a few things; You changed me for the better. I’m sure from your perspective you feel you had no impact on me in the few months you were in my life as first my coworker, friend, then boyfriend because of what I did but I want you to know that you had a huge positive impact of me in every way possible. I was weak, I never knew my rights, need defended myself, worried constantly about tomorrow rather than living in the now/today. I felt unworthy of love. I used being “damaged” as an excuse. But since you entered my life, the time I spent with you and even after our breakup and end of our friendship I continued with the lessons I learned form you and kept growing. Progress isn’t instant and while you saw something negative I did the couple months since you last saw me I’ve grown a lot more. I am now strong, not weak minded. I defend myself whenever I am wronged. I know my rights now as an individual and now manifest them into my daily life at work, at home, surrounded around people I know and don’t know. Just in every situation I’m able to gracefully handle myself no matter what is thrown my way, good or bad. I still look forward to tomorrow but I now live for today and enjoy the moments in in. I try to never sweat the small stuff. A lesson you taught me. I still struggle every day with feeling like damaged goods but honestly that’s something all of us face as human beings. We all are damaged in our own way but we can’t stop growing as a result. You taught me to not let being hurt in the past as an excuse to hurt myself or others. You helped me discover what love was not just love and happiness provided by another person but taught me what self love, self respect, happiness and self worth felt like. I understand now why you constantly have me tough love. I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt you re-ignited a flame that was slowly dying on me and brought color back into my gray world. I love you for that and always will. I deserve what I got, which was losing you. I mistreated you and disrespected you, lied to you, and for that I am enterally guilty and so pained and sorry for the damage I caused. I hope you are happy and life is finding you well. I pray every night about you, hoping you’re enjoying your new position at work, that your mom and sister are doing well and are also happy, that you are safe and enjoying your life and one day our paths in life with cross again somehow whether that’s through me sending you this letter, or we run into each other somewhere or however life deduced to bring us together, I hope it does because I miss you and it would be a blessing to see your smile even one more time. i hope if you do by any miracle find this letter on this site, you’ll know who it is and you’ll call me. I have so many things to share with you. You’ll always be in the front row of my heart…

    -Your Tenessee Love

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