• I wish i chose my friends instead I’m stuck in a abusive relationship

    by  • September 29, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, Depression • 3 Comments

    I wish that a year ago when my friends turned to me and said “choose” i chose them. How could i be so stupid in thinking that he would ever change that he would ever love me over his drug addiction? How could i be so stupid? I’m 23 and trapped; my life is over. I have no friends, no family, I’ve lost my job, my car, I have no money. He has taken everything from me. If I do something without his permission I get hit. I don’t do drugs. I don’t smoke. I don’t drink. I’m the “good girl” that had her life ahead of her. Now i have nothing. My mum would be so ashamed of me if she was still with me. 🙁

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    3 Responses to I wish i chose my friends instead I’m stuck in a abusive relationship

    1. Peter C
      September 29, 2015 at 4:49 pm

      People I love deeply have chosen addicts as boyfriends and in one case even married men who turned out to be serious addicts. Turns out that however strong the addict is, however powerful their personality – the drugs will use that strength against them. It subverts the physical brain of the person, there is almost no free will involved. You think they can pick love over drugs, but the drugs take over the control processes, and the person becomes like a terrified child clutching a horse that has bolted out of control. And the horse will keep running, running, running until something dies or someone dies.

      Every now & then there is a clear space, and the person is horrified at what they’ve done and absolutely certain that it cannot, must not happen again. None of it matters; once the drugs are back in the system, the horse is already out of control, and when the horse is running your loved person really doesn’t exist any more.

      Remember this; the person you loved does not exist when the drugs are active, which is most of the time. They may look the same, sound the same, but the person you loved is locked in a tiny closet in the mind, and the drug controls everything else. Love will not unlock the closet, will not return your loved one to you.

      There is no shame in loving, and in loving too long someone who has already disappeared. The only shame is in thinking that fooling yourself is more important than being honest with yourself. We can love people after they die. The feeling remains. The same is true of addicts who have not turned away from drugs. In the case of the people I love, one walked away from her boyfriend when he robbed her of her rent money. The other divorced after so much pain and suffering that she did not deserve, and the man she once loved roamed the streets, homeless and toothless for years.

      If you could admit to yourself that nothing will change, what would you do different?


    2. anony
      September 29, 2015 at 11:47 pm

      so… grow a spine and take your life back. only YOU can determine who controls your life. we all lose our control sometimes – but the question is, for how long? you made a mistake. you are human. now you can either choose to live with that mistake, or you can fucking pick yourself back up and dust your ass off. chalk it up to a lesson learned, and take something from it. you do not grow wiser without experience, and you cannot be a warrior until you know what it means to fall…


    3. s
      October 1, 2015 at 4:18 pm

      Sweetie you need an escape plan. Since you already have nothing, next time he hits you. CALL THE POLICE have him arrested and go to a shelter. They will help you. You will have a safe place to sleep. They will help you find a job and feed you. Please don’t think you are worth nothing. You are worth everything. Sometimes you have to be brave enough to save yourself baby girl. Be brave! You can do it and you can make it. Life isn’t over. Even if u still love him, men that beat women DON’T love you. It s all about control. You want to live? Then leave. Goodluck. And be. Safe!



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