Yeah you, turn around, let me see your face, please look up for me. Let me wipe the tears off your face off your cheeks. Have you eaten yet? Can you recognize yourself in the mirror anymore or have you given up trying? I know you don’t want to talk so I’ll just do it right now please listen.
I know you hold back tears on your way to work and it takes all of you to put on a smile when someone ask how your weekend was. You make up some lie about having a great time but you really stayed in bed all day falling in and out of consciousness, trying to wake up from what seemed like a nightmare. You try to block out thoughts that are the most harmful and replace them with distractions. I know it’s hard to concentrate but I need you to hear me follow my voice even if yours seems to be mute. Things seem tense, hard to bare and you feel like your getting through each agonizing millisecond by the skin of your teeth. Are you with me?
Don’t let go! I have so much more to say to you. I need you to believe in you again and…. I know, I know Here I’ll wait, you don’t have to hold back those tears okay. You’re in a safe place please let it go. You’re so beautiful when you release everything that’s tangled inside, but when you stop crying and you can see again just remember you are not this.
You can not be defined by this time, or anytime. I need you to know this. “I’m proud of you. You aren’t drunk or high. Your stone cold sober and feeling every last fucking bit of these pain and it’s overwhelming and you feel like your drowning. It gets better. I know it don’t feel that way right now, your friends have told you these to shall pas. One of those cliche that only sound good when it’s not you. Follow the tone of my voice even if you can’t hear my words.
Your going to drown so don’t resist the waves let them wash over you. You are meant to be here. You should be here. But just know that it isn’t your time to stay under. You are breaking, but you aren’t broken, and I love you. I love you even if you can’t love yourself even if you feel love isn’t for you. And when the tears dry up, and your skin starts to heal and the pieces of you are laid out for all to judge. Know that love doesn’t exist outside of us you want so bad to be accepted, loved and embraced by people as flawed as you are and you can’t see that love isn’t in a hug or a compliment. IT IS TO BE.
Please don’t leave me now. You’re all I have ans I am going to make sure that as long as you are here on these earth. You don’t leave knowing everything you desire, crave, need and want is with in us. You are your own soulmate and the time you spend in your own solitude, the beauty you find in your laugh lines the time to not smooth those curves but to love them. Is maybe not what you were looking for but something you are blessed to have found.
Blessed that you found self love, in us