• “Love”

    by  • September 28, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, Frustration • 0 Comments

    You know, I thought I liked you. Loved you even. Actually, no, I think I really DID love you. But on that fateful Sunday, I suddenly realized that “us” wouldn’t work out. I don’t know why. But I have this feeling. I realized, my speech sucked that day. And it’s not your fault. But it is. Kind of. I let myself be influenced by your laziness. By your blithe personality. And I thought as as I was better than your shit speech it was ok. And that’s why we lost the freaking thing. I was living in the heat of the moment. And I realized suddenly. I don’t love you anymore. I’m not even sure if I even like you as a friend anymore. I thought we were compatible. Heck, I even thought we were MFEO. But, as I said, heat of the moment. Now I even feel a slight disgust at your attempts to make me laugh. Call me an ingrate. Call me a bitch. But I didn’t want to fall out of love, did I? Hell, I don’t even know if it’s my fault anymore. I hate you for making me love you. Now I feel guilty. Like I’m gonna be responsible for your broken heart. Cuz I’m gonna tell you on graduation day. I’m gonna tell you. I’m gonna friendzone you. I’m gonna tell you, “Hey. Let’s just be friends first, ok?” Because one of my friends said it’s better to tell you now than later. I thought next year, if we don’t see each other anymore, cuz I might not be continuing classes next year, I thought…we’d just drift apart. Naturally. No friendzoning. but you might have still looked at our relationship seriously. And so. I have to tell you. Let’s cut it.

    And now that dude I looked to for advice. Damn. His laugh is now my everything. He calls me a slut as a joke because of the way I sit. But boy, am I a slut. Even while I “loved” you I looked at other boys. And I haven’t even called “us” off yet and now I already “love” this guy. I put “love” in quotes because I don’t trust myself anymore. One day, I might wake up and realize, shit, I don’t like this guy anymore. I’m not doing this again. I can’t trust myself. This new guy seems like the one now, but I’m just living in the heat of the moment again. They say listen to your heart. My heart changes its mind way too quickly.

    All I know now is that, I hope this new guy is really the one. Because if not, I’m gonna lock myself up and flush the key down the toilet to prevent myself from hurting anyone else. Not to mention hurting them hurts me.

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