Sigh – your thoughts eat up every inch of my brain and when I try to write it down..I am clueless… The first thing I see in the morning- your ping n a missed call or a message from you makes me smile n say hello to the day with such energy. I doze off amidst our conversation driving you crazy but we patch up in no time…I try desperately to stay away from you knowing all too well that I am just another person you talk to when you are bored..you really don’t share much about your personal life yet I am on whatsapp all the time talking to you..and I am still nobody to you…5yrs of daily talking and what is this? Seriously who am I to you?
I stay up all night to talk to you,avoid going out with friends just so I can talk to you..you don’t ask me to..I just am crazy and want to do everything you ask me to..your teasing me makes me like u more and just being with you doing nothing or just being part of your life is what I want..in short you are my world. You are one guy who will never open up about your feelings-to family,to friends – I understood that and respected it..
I was shaken to the core when you said you don’t have any feelings for me 3 years ago n your questions of why should o hug you or that you don’t have feelings for me drove me to breathlessness..theatrics one might think ..I won’t deny ..one will know the pain when they are enduring it..
I attended your wedding and for few months I had no idea what was I doing..trying to stay away from you and didmt want to be the other woman…one thing still eludes me- why? Why not me? Why the other girl? You hardly know her…I came to your wedding not to be dramatic but because I wanted to see you in flesh after so many years..I thought that was it..and that I am not going to talk to you again n my heart broke again .. Tried as I might but bring near you is the next best thing I could do..that was my survival instinct..when I saw your pics with your wife I really didn’t understand what was I doing!?who am I? I am happy that you are still talking to me but letting you go is a tough decision and the thought that it may not hurt you a bit is torturous!! I love you and I always will..even if its a sin..but help me understand where did this go wrong..when or how can I be part of your life ..not a secret hidden away!!