Dear my first,
You broke me. You made me. It’s been almost a year and I can’t remember the person I was before I met you; isn’t that a little odd? 18 years of existence and memories burning down to ashes? What I want to tell you is that I loved you more than anything else. And I will never be able to ‘not love’ you. And perhaps that is why I will never get over you. You know, I get it that you didn’t love me back but what I don’t get is why you couldn’t let me love you. Or perhaps I do. You see, I have got theories here. No, there is no point in sharing them with you because.. Well, this is the most tragic part of love – no matter how well you know the other person, you will never know what’s going on in their head.
I see you almost every day. Everywhere. And I long to see more of you. Seeing you is blissful enough. What is life’s sorrow and shit, when I can catch a glance of you! I don’t know what exactly to tell you here. What sucks is you weren’t just the love of my life, you were a very important friend too! I don’t know if I should hate myself for telling that I love you, because that’s what created gaps between us in the first place or should I hate you for not letting me love you?
Mind you, I am learning lessons in ‘How to Hate You?’
And I am failing. Each day. Worse. Than the previous day.
This seems less of a tragic love story but more the story of my downfall.
Until a few months ago, I thought no matter how serious I was; no matter, how much I had invested myself in you; I would get over you. I will move on. And I will love another. Love him/her more than I loved you. In ways that I couldn’t love you.
I sincerely doubt that. I have given all my love to you.
For you, I will replenish and give you more.
For another, I highly doubt.
I don’t know a lot of things at this juncture.
But what I do know is,
I won’t get back with you. Not in that relationship which was just self-destructive. Exhausting. And taxing.
I won’t get back with you even though I will hate myself for it forever.
You know the most tragic part here, we won’t ever get the chance.
Yours (I hope not forever)