• I don’t know how to live

    by  • September 19, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, Depression • 0 Comments

    People. I used to hate people, of course I am aware that I’m also included. Apparently I hate myself too. I don’t remember when did I start to hate this world very much, I don’t even know the concept of living. All I know were, people only prioritize their convinient to feed themselves, shelter, sleep, doing all the same routines everyday. Is that’s all about life? idk
    I’m not such a talker and open about my own feelings and thoughts. Sometimes I think it’s better to keep everything by myself, no one actually cares if it’s not about themselves. People were too in love with themselves. Well that what was diffiriniate me and them , I don’t love me. I hate my own existence, I even wondered why I am here to begin with.
    When I small, I’m not have that kind memory of a mother. She always out to work, most of time I spend with my house-keeper. I dont have much of happy memories of childhood either. Friends, I always wanted a friend back then, trying to fit in with the others. But I can’t, or they didn’t let me. I’m always those kind of new member of the group and didn’t fit in. They sometimes take benefit out of me, and I kind of “I don;t want to be left out”. So I did fool myself back then.
    Idk, I don;t even understand what considered to be normal. Everyone seems to be happy with their family, going out to eat, spend the weekend together. I don’t understand the concept of family either. It’s as if I really know nothing how to live. And now what I am doing was sit in the corner of my room feeling sorry for myself.
    I know this is my life, I was the one who had to live it. I am the one who controlling it, but idk sometimes it was scary to out and talk to people. I love being in my own room doing nothing, or drawing, singing, anything.

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