How can a parents love be conditional? Easy, the parent is emotionally messed up. Or in your case mom, extremely fucked up.
You either don’t think I can remember or you don’t care. How could you just lock me in my room for hours, crying, sad, alone…. I was a toddler. You neglected me so badly that I created an imaginary friend. At least he loved me.
Then when my sister was born you would send me to grandmas. I remember one day you and my sister were hugging, I asked for one too, you shook your head and turned away. I can’t believe I still remember that. It was over 20 years ago. Still stings a bit.
I remember a lot.
“If i hadn’t gotten pregnant with you I wouldn’t have married your father.”
“You were supposed to be a boy, then I wouldn’t have had any more kids.”
“Your dad used to leave welts on you, but as soon as he started to hit your sister, I made him stop.”
Just a few gems I can’t forget. I can also remember you telling me graphic stories about how parents would abuse and murder their children. I doubt many 5 year olds knew the details of Adam Walsh’s story….but I did. Sybil too.
You can imagine the horror that ran through my mind after having my first child. What kind of mom will I be?
I looked down at my child and felt nothing but LOVE! The more I think about how I feel about my kids, the more Angry I become with you. How could a parent treat their beautiful baby the way you treated me?
I hate you mom.