• True North

    by  • September 16, 2015 • Love - Pure and Simple • 6 Comments

    I’m a little at a loss for words right now….I know, gotta be the first time right? I’m really embarrassed. There’s this never-ending cycle in my life that seems to apply to everything. It always starts with hope, then comes disappointment, then doubt, then anger…that doesn’t last long, and then regret. It always goes back to hope eventually, but that’s probably where I’m at right now.

    With you, nothing accelerates the whole process like doubt. And honestly, I’m struggling with that right now. Again. There’s really only one thing that tells me that were real, my heart. Everything and one else tells me the opposite. I’m very fragile with this situation; it doesn’t take much to sway me in either direction.

    None of this is an excuse, I just am hoping to help you understand why I act the way I do. Because, believe it or not, I am rather introspective, and I spend a lot of time thinking about why I do the things I do and say the things I say.

    The one thing I do want to say is this: actions speak louder than words. Now every time I’ve ever heard that expression, it was to say that bad acts override good words, to simplify things a bit. But I’m saying that for the opposite. That if bad acts override good words, then shouldn’t good acts override bad words? Maybe I just had too much coffee today lol.

    Anyways, the reason I’m saying that is because, even when I am angry, and I’m not defending that at all, but even when I want to hate you, behind the scenes, I’m still working my ass off to make a future for us. I still make hard decisions, with even less favorable consequences, because when I’m lost, when I don’t know what to do, when I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place, I look at my compass. The needle is always pointing to you. And that tells me what I have to do. Whatever brings us together and keeps us together. There’s nothing I won’t do, and I don’t think you fully understand that now, but with time I think you will. I want you to be so proud of me baby. The way I’m (unfortunately secretly) so fucking proud of you.

    The next time you’re having a shitty day, or you’re just not feeling good, I hope you remember, that even with the rest of your life aside, just by being you, you forever changed my life in the most positive way possible. I want to be my very very best for you because that is exactly what you deserve. I’ve always known, even before I knew I was fully in love with you, that you were EXACTLY what I needed, but its taken me some time to really understand why.

    I just love you so much, and I want you to know, I really don’t care about what the rest of my life looks like as long as I’m by your side, forever.

    E

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    6 Responses to True North

    1. S
      September 16, 2015 at 12:43 pm

      This is awesome! I hope you two can come together, somehow. It takes courage… an awful lot of courage.




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    2. Beautiful words
      September 16, 2015 at 3:03 pm

      You should send them to her. I am sure she will appreciate and treasure them just like probably many here do, just like I do (knowing better but in daydreams a woman is allowed to wish for the impossible).

      All my best wishes to you!




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    3. J
      September 16, 2015 at 7:37 pm

      I understand, love. Please don’t ever doubt this or yourself. Be all you can be. I never nor will I ever leave your side, you’re still close to me.

      J




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    4. M
      September 17, 2015 at 5:31 pm

      I wish my man had felt like this about me. Funny thing is, I thought he did.




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    5. @M
      September 18, 2015 at 10:36 am

      Maybe he does. Maybe you should ask.




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    6. M
      September 18, 2015 at 3:22 pm

      I think if he felt that way about me then he wouldn’t have left.. I thought he was the one, because I feel all of those things about him.




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