• Just Pure Honesty

    by  • September 14, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, Waxing Poetic • 9 Comments

    I never really saw myself where I am today

    In a good way, and a bad
    I always saw myself where you were
    Time and time again you gave me bits and pieces of the big picture of destruction you caused
    Until all at once you tore me limb from limb

    But no, there is no more sadness
    There is no more pain

    It’s kind of strange though, I will admit
    For you to continue on in your place
    To see my family continue to participate

    In a way, it gives me a sense of freedom and strength
    For you to still see them, but not me

    I haven’t made a single appearance, and I know it’s left you wondering

    Even though you know the answer

    I may have been told that I am showing weakness, that I am letting evil win
    That I am letting you win

    No, I absolutely am not weak
    I am not letting anyone win
    I am the winner
    I have won

    This is my victory
    The victory I needed for so long

    And I am so happy
    Are you happy now?

    I guess that is the question.
    Does my absence bring you happiness?
    Does it bring everyone there happiness?
    Maybe. I have realized that if this is the case, then I am at peace with it.
    For you all to be happy with me leaving, then you were never people I should’ve spent years with anyway.

    I still will remember the “good” moments,
    Which were all completely bad, but still amazing in my state of mind during those times
    Those highs of limerence, wonderful

    Painful

    Here I am, feeling better about myself then I ever have
    I don’t have any unrealistic impossible loves in my life
    In fact, there isn’t a single one

    This is the first time that I can say,
    I don’t love you

    Sure, I haven’t seen you in months
    What’s to say that just the sight of you wouldn’t bring my feelings surging back?

    Of course it would, that’s the way it works with you
    But as for now, I don’t plan on seeing you again

    And if I ever saw you in a store,
    I’d walk the other way
    If you tried to speak to me,
    I’d simply walk away

    Poor you, lost in your labyrinth of hurt and pain

    Must’ve been, to make you the monster clothed in light that you are

    One day, five years from now I want to run into you somewhere

    And I’ll look straight at you, and tell you

    “You never truly knew what you did and what you’ve done
    No matter what pain I felt
    No matter how many times I cried
    Regardless of the fact that you have never apologized, and never will
    No matter how many wrongs you’ve done
    I forgive you
    I forgive you because I’m strong
    I forgive you because I’m stronger then you are.”

    And that would be it
    The end

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    9 Responses to Just Pure Honesty

    1. Tracy
      November 27, 2015 at 12:50 pm

      There is nothing as bad as a bitter narcissist. Read up on that. You would rather blame other people than take responsibility for your actions and feed your over inflated little ego to make yourself feel better. Oh,please. Grow up. You are weak, pathetic. Whats that all about 5 yrs stuff. Really thats how bitter you are you would wait that long to speak to someone. Why not shut up for the rest of your life. No one cares. Karma is a bitch aint it.




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    2. Author @Tracy
      November 28, 2015 at 3:37 pm

      Aren’t you just a breath of fresh air?

      What a bitch you are. Sitting around in your pathetic little life digging through this website to come across my letter. Let me just begin to tell you how absolutely wrong you are.

      I would explain in full detail, but you seem to not have the brain capacity for that.

      I’d bet my ass you have no idea what limerence even is, the extent of what it can become, or the struggles of having OCD mixed with that. Maybe YOU should do some research, instead of making comments on things you have absolutely NO knowledge of.

      You don’t know shit about my situation, who I am, what I am doing, or why I am doing it.

      Look at yourself. You literally just made a complete and total asshole out of yourself. Which, as I can clearly tell, is you in a nutshell.

      It’s not my fault that you’ve been so unloved and rejected your whole life so you try and come here and affect people on some anonymous website. Make you feel like you’re all big and intimidating?

      People like yourself baffle me. To be so, so, absolutely stupid that you do not even research anything, or even begin to try and understand where someone may be coming from, it’s almost funny. I feel bad for people like you who are just born with such an inability to grasp anything.

      “You are pathetic. Weak.”

      No.
      Ever had an uncountable amount of people take their aim at you, use every possible weapon and strategy that they possibly can to harm you, but you will willingly put yourself in that situation just for the pure desire of wanting everything to turn out alright?

      No, because you’re the weak pathetic asshole. But anyway.

      Constantly, trying, pulling, grasping at any strand I could. Being the one to make an effort.

      Someone important once told me that sometimes, people are going to do what they’re going to do. You may never be able to fully understand it. Just remove yourself from the situation if you have to.

      So that’s what I did, eventually. After trying and trying to fix things, everything was past the point of no return. It was over.

      I will not say anything to anyone. I won’t today, I won’t next week, next month, next year, years from today. I forgive them. I have moved on. I have people who love me who I cherish everyday. The ones who really care stick around.

      All in all, this is a lesson for you. Do your research. Know what you’re talking about before you start jumping to conclusions over someone you don’t even know. Research limerence and OCD. (And the definition of being an attention seeking retarded loser).

      If your mental incapabilities can handle it..

      Fuck you.




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    3. Tracy
      November 30, 2015 at 9:01 am

      The trouble with you is that you dont love yourself because otherwise you would have known that you have a problem. Have you not been told you are not doing yourself justice throughout this whole limerent phase of yours,how long as it been for and who even said you are limerent anyway? Do you even know what love is? Do you even know the difference? Stop reading on internet junk whether they be proven or not by drs and trying to use such things to try and blame others. They should have told you that as much as you are not to blame then the other person is not to blame too,how can they know they are limerent. Who goes around announcing to others that they are limerent thats if they even knew what being limerent is. Thats not even a legally documented medical condition, its just a psychologila term to explain a feeling but it may not mean that you have. If you let someone abuse your love then you are to blame and no one else . Dont blame another person for your own misjudgements and mistakes more than they themselves should blame theirs on you. We are of course human. Its your fault that you were limerent not the other person. They never forced you to do anything or begged you to overlook their faults. The blame should be solely put at your door and no one else’s. Grow up. Whining like a child as if you had no power over your life.

      Love yourself first then you will know when others are not right for you and also you will know when you are doing an injustice to yourself too. Dont you ever take time to think things over, do you live your life in a haze. Going around reading internet junk, ruining your relationships. Did you diagnose yourself or did a real certified psychologist do that?, if not then you have a huge problem on your hands.

      Like I said you are a narcissist because you cant accept that you did this to yourself. They go around blaming others for their mistakes and turning around what they did to something bad in order to suit themeselves. I dont think if a narcissist had to be inside their own head, if they could take it for they would know they are truly messed up beings. Just broken souls who dont know how to heal themselves and are too proud to see it. I dont really care if you call me many names, its ok. I am not the sad,depressed,weak,pathetic one. Wanting people to feel sorry for you. I dont go around putting blame on others and pointing fingers for my mistakes. Nor do I go around holding anger and bitterness in my soul, YOU ARE.

      Get over yourself. Let me ask you this:
      Did that person ask you to be limerent over them?
      Did they ask you to put them on a pedestal?
      Did they tell you they were without any faults like any other human being on earth?
      Did they ask you to overlook each and every mistake they made at the cost of your own happiness?

      If “no” to all answers then know that you are the one to blame and not them. You need to accept that.

      You act as if you are without fault. As if you have never done mistakes or hurt anyone in your life.

      Arg, grow up. People like you like blaming conditions for their actions instead of taking ownership for their mistakes and deciding to change themselves for the better instead of pulling themselves down then blame others the next.

      You can call me by many names the fact is you ARE WEAK.




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    4. Author @Tracy
      November 30, 2015 at 10:38 pm

      Hahahaha, what a response.

      Who said I don’t truly love myself? I have learned to THROUGH my situation. I have grown and am stronger because of it.

      And the whole time I did know I had a problem, there was just nothing I could do about it because it is NOT a person’s choice or fault for falling in love or in my case being limerent.

      You obviously did not pay attention to my specific wording in my letter because I mentioned my limerence:

      “Those highs of limerence, wonderful

      Painful”

      The point is I am through the limerent phase. I was diagnosed by a real professional PHD for OCD and limerence. I am not reading junk on the Internet. Who even said that I was blaming the other person? I never stated that I blamed them for my pain. They treated me wrongly throughout my time of knowing them, but never once did I blame them here or in my life for my limerence for them. I know better then that. It is also not MY fault for feeling the way I DID. (Notice past tense, literally the whole point of my letter and everything I’ve said and have been saying).

      Have you ever been in love? Then you clearly know that no one chooses to fall in love with someone. It just happens. You do not choose your own feelings. No one you ever fall in love with do you choose to do so.

      I didn’t and have not “whined like a child as if I have no power over my life” ONCE AGAIN you have NEVER experienced this! How can you even have a justified opinion on this? You don’t, and you can’t.

      Through this, I HAVE learned to love myself first and that’s why I have moved on and realized this person and people are not welcome or wanted or healthy in my life. I pushed them away out of the correct decision I had made in my life for the well-being of myself. I have taken time to think things over. I have and am doing what is best for myself.

      Accept that I DID THIS TO myself? What? Are you absolutely retarded? Oh yeah, that’s right, you are.

      Once again, how exactly did I DECIDE to do this to myself?? I KNOW people make mistakes! I know I MAKE mistakes. We all do. People are fallible beings. And I DO know how to heal myself, I have taken great strides to do so. Once I realized what my issues were, I completely fixed the situation.

      I am not holding any bit of anger or bitterness in my “soul.” I have clearly stated that again and again. Anything wrong that was done to me I forgive. I said so so many times. You obviously just fail to read that.

      What makes me weak by this? Pulling myself from my limerent cycle? Hm? When every instinct in me wanted to stay? Pulling myself from my obsessions? Weak? Forgiving those who do not deserve forgiveness? Weak? Moving on? Weak?

      I bet you wouldn’t have the guts to do half of what I’ve done.

      You completely do not and will not understand anything.




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    5. jo
      December 2, 2015 at 4:20 am

      Not much point you 2 trading insults. As an ex-limerant myself all I can say is that it gets you in an incredibly powerful grip to a point where you know you are hurting yourself and yet feel unable to stop and therefore begin to fear for your own sanity. It seems to breed on and exacerbate underlying feelings of lack of self love/esteem because you find yourself doing things outside your normal boundaries and end up losing yourself completely. Your mind gets consumed by obsessive thinking, projecting and over-analysis of every little word or action.It was the most confusing and painful experience of my life and finally walking away was like a huge bereavement because I was losing everything I thought I ever wanted and dreamed of.- For me it has been a very slow and painful road to recovery made worse by having to keep it all secret to prevent hurting others. I know that , even today, any contact risks sucking myself back in. Did I do this to myself ? – yes absolutely though at the time I really did not feel I had any control as I had relinquished my power to the object of my desire. I made a very serious mistake which cost me years of my health and well being.Does this mean I am no longer worthy of love,care and respect? Does this mean I should not try to rebuild my life using whatever works for me? I hope not,Tracey, so cut this person some slack,eh.




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    6. Author @Jo
      December 2, 2015 at 1:13 pm

      I cannot thank you enough.

      I’m sorry that you went through that. I can honestly say that I understand everything you said and relate to it 100%. Everything you’ve said- it’s like I myself wrote it.

      People who have never been limerent just cannot grasp or understand it completely.

      It was the most painful and worst time of my life. I too, had to have that pain of leaving everything that I thought I had ever wanted, it felt so wrong and sometimes I have to remind myself the reasons that I had to save myself.

      It’s hard.

      I’ve never been able to speak to anyone about this situation or who has felt the same things as I have. It’s a good thing to know that I’m really not alone.

      Thank you for coming to my rescue, as a fellow limerent, I wish you the very best.




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    7. Author @Everyone
      December 5, 2015 at 10:38 pm

      You think you have lost your faith but you have not. You have only misplaced your faith and you can find it- where it lays now- deep in your soul.
      And the way to do that, is through the simple process of love.

      Love yourself, forgive yourself. You can’t love and forgive other people if you don’t first of all, love and forgive yourself.

      You have to realize that people are fallible beings- they make mistakes, they have to be excused for these mistakes and allowed to continue on to the quest for a better life and forgiveness. Love yourself and then love other people- please forgive yourself, go on a journey of finding love and forgiveness.




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    8. Tracy
      December 13, 2015 at 10:23 pm

      Dear Author,
      You seem to be a conflict of emotions. Why speak of forgiveness when you talk about walking away when you meet that person or about how after 5yrs you will go to that person and tell them about what they have done. Whats the point. I just dont believe in enabling others in fooling themselves.

      You never answered my questions from the previous comment. Well?

      Of all the people Joy makes sense. You dont. How about you take care of that bitterness first then maybe I can understand where you are coming from.




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    9. Author @Tracy
      December 15, 2015 at 10:40 pm

      You seem to not be understanding that I keep saying I forgive the person and I do not feel that way any longer.

      I have forgiven them,

      I don’t feel the same as I formerly stated in my letter as I keep repeating.




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