we known each other for 5 years like no one else can for me and for you. And even though we always fought but never can keep away from one another but I stopped talking for good this time for 4 months but then someone knew I met for a year that I favored from her (like I felt for her the first year) treated me in a bad way of not caring but I thought he did and then all of a sudden I wanted to talk to her and then I cried and cried because my skin was punching and itching but I didn’t allow it because I only wanted to talk to you because I was not occupied at the moment and I needed to feel power over someone again and she didn’t deserve that but I was dying to but I knew that was my heartless addicting self fooling me that I miss her when really that was not true and I try so hard and like a addict put all my effort and didn’t give in because she didn’t deserve that and doesn’t ever cause during the time the new person all of a sudden showed his not caring I realized it was karma and that killed even realizing that and still wanting to be heartless is what killed me most I realized my karma but my temptations were still there to talk to you for the wrong reasons especially since she loved me so much and are so hurt by me ignoring her. Its very painful because I realize no one can have the understanding that we do but deeply that is not the reason I wanted to reply to her. At one point I loved her so much and was certain no one can ever compare to her and I still love her but my bad soul is more powerful than any kind of love and I realized that now. It hurts so fucking much when your heart is so black and you survive by not being human….. that I feel my old self crying inside but its far gone and has been for 8 years. I love you so much so I need to stop the hunger. My body has been shaking but I wont do it.. I won’t text you and make your life happy again when its not for the right reasons. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE …………… Whenever comes a time we can’t be together keep me in your heart I will stay there forever.