• My First

    by  • September 13, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 0 Comments

    I never thought I would be “that girl” and by that girl I mean: The girl who wont let go and is holding on for dear life. I guess that is what love does to you, it blinds you. Theres so many things I want to say to you. Everyday I have to see your face and it kills me that you’re always so happy. You said you werent happy with me well you got what you wished for. But what about me? Did you ever stop to think how much this could affect me? I gave you everything body and soul. This was something I have never done before with anyone else. You broke me. How could you erase the past two years out of your head so quickly? Did you forget when I was your backbone holding you up through your worst times? Did you forget all the laughs we shared? Did you forget all the intimate conversations we spent all night having ? Never have I felt so close to someone in my life. I was too young to be broken so badly. I am too young to be feeling all of this hurt. You taught me to never trust again. You have left me feeling like there is no one capable of loving me. You have left me thinking I am not good enough for anyone. My first love, heartbreak, time and betrayal all wrapped into one. I should have left you the first time. I should of not taken you back after you left the first time. You took a huge part of me with you every time you left. I do not feel like myself anymore. You knew how alcohol has affected my past yet you let it come between us. The only two men I have ever loved in my life is my father and you. Both of you have ruined your relationship with me because of the things alcohol makes you do. But you do not see it. You do not see me. You do not see how badly I am hurt. Because the mask I wear is so strong and you wouldn’t believe that i am not this happy at all.

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