• To My Best Friends’ Abuser

    by  • September 12, 2015 • Abuse • 1 Comment


    I have been trying not to take the hateful, manipulative, threatening things you say and do personally. I have been trying to be supportive of your wife in this terrible situation that you, JB, have created. It’s unfortunate your PTSD “made” you beat, terrorize, stalk and sexually abuse your wife. I know that you are a very disturbed person, I believe that you need help. I recognize that you see yourself as a victim and I am glad you went to your doctor and received tranquilizers. I have watched you over the last three almost four years that I have been friends with your wife. The first year you accused me of sleeping with your wife, it was a “joke”, you are so funny. The second and third year of my friendship with your wife you accused me of sleeping with your wife, you said I tried to make her forget that she had a family, you started referring to me as your wife’s girlfriend. I am not gay. I am straight and in a committed relationship of almost 5 years. Trust me, if I was a lesbian you would know, I have never been ashamed of my sexuality. I am attracted to men. I am not attracted to women. Once again, just for fun, I believe that everyone should be free to love/marry/fuck whoever they want however they want as long as no one is being hurt, exploited etc. As long as there is consent, (legally they can consent), I say game on my beauties! That being said, I love your wife, she is my friend. Have you met her? She is awesome! I have had so many hilarious, deep, meaningful, gross conversations with her. I can only think of two times that we were “allowed” to go and do things together unchaperoned by your children. I tolerated your distrust because I genuinely enjoy your children. There were many times that I saw how kind you can be and how much you genuinely love your family. I also saw your selfish, narcissistic, lazy, paranoid behavior and I tolerated it as well. When you said shitty things to your wife about her body or her looks I called you on it but mostly I ignored it. I thought, “This woman has been with him for 20 years, she bore him three children, she makes him dinner and brings it to him, she supports him because he cant seem to find a job, she gave up getting a masters degree to support him, this must be a part of their love language etc…”. Then you began making it a point to go through her cell phone, you installed tracking software on it, when she was not home from her job in retail five minutes after she was scheduled to be off you started calling her obsessively. You became insistent about being with her every minute that she was not at work. I figured you guys were working through some issues so I stayed away. The only time I saw my best friend was every two weeks or so at the chiropractors office where I work. oh and that one time that the starter went out on her car and MY boyfriend installed a new one at 10pm in the pouring rain, but you remember, you were there. Two weeks later you graduated to physically and sexually abusing your wife. Nice Brosky! She stayed. You did it again she left for a week. She came back and tried to work it out with you, in three weeks I received 2 text messages from her. I was supportive of her working it out with you 20 years is not chump change. You did it again. She escaped I came and picked her up. I took off work to take her to the sheriff’s dept, the courthouse, the courtdate, the domestic violence counseling place. I was there when she realized that her paycheck had been stolen because you cancelled her debit card and she had no access to your “joint” account. I have been there for her every time you have had an “episode” and tried to force her to come back. You have a 19 year old, a fifteen year old, and a seventeen year old they believe the terrible things that you say to them about their mother. They believe that I made her leave and they hate me for it. Actually your 15 year old autistic son doesn’t believe you. He told me. I would like to remind you that I have a life beside my friendship with your wife. I have had to take off work multiple times because of this, I haven’t been able to put my new house together because of your constant terrorist activities, my boyfriend and I have been fighting. I am exhausted, anxious, worried, distracted etc. All because when my best friend needed a place to land I gave her one. All because I didn’t force her to go to a shelter or out of state where her family is. I did this so that she could be as close to her children as possible and so that she could still work to support you and the kids. You have thanked me by screaming DIE YOU FUCKING CUNT AT ME! You are welcome JB. Thank you for all the drama and bull shit. What a treat it has been to support you and your family financially! You are welcome. I am thankful for the opportunity to help someone as worthy as your wife through a difficult time. I am thankful for law enforcement and the order of protection. I am thankful that I live in a city where my friend has access to counseling services. I am thankful that there are programs that help women that do not have a place to run like my friend. I love your wife and I love the fact that I get to be a part of her journey. I am sorry that you could not control yourself and had to resort to physical violence in order to punish the person who has made the mistake of loving you. I am sorry you are paranoid and delusional. Trust me, I am sorry. I hope that you are actually going to counseling. I hope that you are honest with them and I hope that you can grow and change as a result of this awful experience that you have inflicted on a lot of other people. I am sorry that your attempted manipulations are so transparent. It’s shameful. You are a grown man, you should be embarrassed by the way you are behaving. You are pitiable. I pity you.
    love you wife’s girlfriend,

    Ps. The first thing your wife said to the sheriffs deputy, after you filed a false missing persons report, was, “Please, don’t make me go back there.”.

    One Response to To My Best Friends’ Abuser

    1. Peter C
      September 12, 2015 at 10:33 am

      Caty you are the essence of what it really means to be a friend. Not simply to laugh and joke and do things together, but to be prepared to wade thru shit and not turn back, because your friend needs you. Not because you have to, but because you choose to. That is true caring, and if there were an award for that, you would already have earned it.

      You sound like a strong, caring woman. Your friend’s husband is living a hell of his own creation, and that hell bleeds out and touches and hurts those you love. Thank God that there are also people like you, who say “this will not be, this shall not continue, I stand with those whom I love and who need my strength.”

      Warmest wishes and strength to you, too. It can be hard to be the strong one, even though there are rewards. You sound like someone who already knows this but – take care of yourself too. These things are a long, drawn out marathon of anguish and pain, don’t lose yourself while you save another. There are ways of nurturing yourself, your own relationships, and it allows you to keep giving when your friend needs it.

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