• I’ve come to the conclusion…

    by  • September 9, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 4 Comments

    I have to surprise you…

    I have to see you in real-life and we have to talk, regardless of whether you want to talk to me.

    Here’s what’s going to happen:

    On a weekend, I’m going to drive to your college, I’ll somehow find you, and I’ll confront you.

    That’s the only way this ‘situation’ will ever be solved.

    I know what I have to do now…

    No one can or will change my mind…

    I love you.


    4 Responses to I’ve come to the conclusion…

    1. Peter C
      September 10, 2015 at 11:55 am

      This always works well, at least in the movies. The moment of surprise, the flare of anger, the counter, the gradual calming down. The pair stops beneath a tree, the discussion becomes more earnest, more thoughtful; the anger gives way to shared words, shared silence, one person smiles first, the mood lightens and the potential of what may yet be gradually fills the air.

      Then there is life that is not in the movies. The other person is hurrying, rushing towards the next class, the next appointment, mind full of plans and deadlines. From afar comes your shout, disruptive, unasked for. A frowning of their eyebrows as you hurry near, a wish that you were not there, that this moment did not have to be right now. You had prepared what you were going to say but in the moment, as you start, the words fall flat, deflated, you lose your place. You begin to realize that “I’ll confront you” feels hostile, frightening, jarring for the other person. It is so different from what you expected, from the leap into the clear blue that might land in so many different ways. Your mouth feels dry, the other person’s eyes look at you but only see you as the interruption, the unwanted outreach, the unexpected threatening presence. You realize that you could have done this so many other ways, but you chose to confront and you have acid in your stomach and a sick feeling, and the confrontation is grinding and real.

      Is this really what you want? Is this really the best way to see what may still be possible, to have a dialog between two people? Are these the final memories that you want to create, as you drive back gripping the steering wheel, yelling or crying, your stomach churning, knowing you have only driven the stake in deeper? Is this how you want it to go?

    2. Hmmm.
      September 12, 2015 at 1:29 am

      Peter C….Peter C….

      Does the C stand for Cunt?

      Maybe Constipated?

    3. Author @Peter C
      September 12, 2015 at 3:44 am

      There’s no other option. Things can’t possibly can’t get worse than how they are right now in my situation. My mind is made-up. Also, you just made a bunch of assumptions. There’s no ‘other way” for me at this point. Thanks for your comment.

    4. Peter C
      September 13, 2015 at 3:55 pm

      There are a lot of words that start with ‘C’, for sure. Concerned. Clueless. Caring. Contemptible. Compassionate. Condescending. Constructive. Contaminated. Perhaps it depends less on the letter and more on who is interpreting.

      But for the Author – I still wish you good luck, and hope it goes better than I fear.

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