• The things we tell ourselves

    by  • September 7, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 1 Comment

    Ever since first hearing the expression, I have so strongly resented the concept of: “if I could go back in time I wouldn’t change a single decision, even the bad ones, because they led me here.”

    That is so, so, so, so selfish a sentiment. I hate hearing it. When people say it I immediately question whether I should continue any kind of relationship with them.

    All of our actions have implications for others, and just because you learned some valuable life lesson or your path took a turn that eventually led to better because of your decisions, does not mean that your choices necessarily had a good impact on the other person(s) affected by them in the long-term. It seems so self-important to me to justify and refuse to regret all of the bad decisions you’ve made because they made you the person you are today. What about other people? They might have to clean up the emotional scars you left behind- and you still wouldn’t do things differently, because you figured things out in the end and got to a better state of mind? What a neat little bow. What an everyone-out-for-themselves world.

    I’ve hurt people and I’ve been hurt- and I would absolutely take those bad experiences back if I could. Who needs the lesson; it’s common sense that hurting others is wrong. Sometimes we choose to ignore that. It’s not a lesson that needed to be learned. I’m not saying you should hang on to the regret forever, but to say that you would do it all over again the exact same way…. wow.

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    One Response to The things we tell ourselves

    1. Peter C
      September 8, 2015 at 5:28 pm

      How wonderful if we could go back and reconsider what we have done! Strange, then, that some say “I wouldn’t change a thing” when others like you would take back decisions that hurt others. What a difference!

      There are two ways to look at life. Some see abundance, others see scarcity. Those that see scarcity say “I almost didn’t make it here; there is so little that goes right, so much that can go wrong. Danger is everywhere. Touch nothing, dare nothing, because you will suffer loss and loss is unbearable when you can give up nothing. Even if you could change something, do not, because you may lose. Life is made up of what you have collected and it can be take away again. Beware!”

      But those that see abundance say “there are a thousand paths not walked for each one path that got us here. I believe enough in myself, in the inherent goodness of life, that I trust that things will usually work out. And therefore if I got to do it over again, I would decide with my full heart what was right to do, with all the inherited wisdom I have collected. I do not decide out of fear, I decide out of the abundance of possibility that exists in the universe!”

      And both people would be right, and both would be wrong. I happen to believe, and it is deeply personal, that “things usually work out.” Not always for sure, and perhaps not in the way you thought. The girlfriend or boyfriend lost, so painful when it happened, could be a way of things working out by opening other doorways for you.

      So rather than resenting those who cling to a model of the scarcity of goodness in life – can you embrace the good fortune that you see life as abundant, that you see yourself as the walker of paths, that you trust enough that things usually – not always – work out? It is kind hearted and large hearted of you to want to take back pain you have caused if you could, even though it would catapult you into an unknown new future. Celebrate that through your growth as a person and your experiences you are able to embrace this! Congratulations.

      Peter C



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