• Not that much

    by  • September 7, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, Confession • 0 Comments

    J.,

    what we had wasn’t much. We were together for less than 3 months and you wouldn’t even have considered me if I hadn’t pestered you so much. I know you are really really inexperienced and shy and that didn’t bother me even though I’m not the kind of person who likes to take control. But as always my crush or even love swindled pretty fast. Two months into the relationship and I already knew we didn’t have any future. But still I didn’t break up with you. I gave it a chance, to see what you would do.

    And you did nothing. We saw each other at university on a nearly daily basis but as nobody knew we were together we acted as though we were just friends. Outside of that we had nearly no contact. We didn’t write each other nor did we go out as a couple or spend some time together. And that made it obvious to me that we wouldn’t work out as you as well as me didn’t put any effort into the relationship. And still I did nothing, partly because I was scared of the thought of breaking up with you.

    And then I made the great mistake. I kissed another guy while we were still officially together, even though I thought of myself that I would never ever cheat on someone. And I’m really really sorry. I broke up with you the next possibility because everything else wouldn’t have been fair. I didn’t tell you about the other guy because I didn’t want you to think I broke up with you because of him. He was just the thing that made me overcome my fear of telling you. And I thought you had also realized that what we had wasn’t a relationship anymore, so it wouldn’t hurt you that much.

    Obviously I was wrong. I wanted to give you space to get everything in order. But my friends seemingly know better. Two months later they come to me and tell me that they’ve been talking about my actions behind my back and decided I had to talk to you again because the break up wasn’t enough and tell you that I cheated on you. While they’re not wrong, I feel absolutely betrayed that they didn’t even consider telling me their opinions directly and discussing everything with me.

    So now I’m going to talk to you tomorrow probably and tell you everything regardless if it hurts you much more or not. Because if I don’t they will and that I cannot allow.

    I would never have thought that a relationship this short and meaningless would affect our lives this much.

    I hope you will be able to forgive me, for I am truly sorry.
    I.

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