• You love who you love

    by  • September 6, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, Letting Go • 0 Comments

    Hey Clyde,

    Well I wasn’t sure how we would get to this point but I knew for certain that we would.
    At least we aren’t ending in a pool of blood bullets and gun smoke like our historical counterparts did.
    I’m so happy for you. I’m so proud to see you reach a point of safety and security. I’m so glad that something finally came through.
    I know you are worried that you wont be able to rise to the occasion but I know that you will. I have always believed in you.
    You are my best friend. I know you know that but sometimes it bears repeating.
    You remain the first person aside from family that I want to tell good news to.
    The person I seek advice from.
    The person that almost everything reminds me of an inside joke or funny anecdote for.
    The other portion that bears repeating is that I love you.
    I guess it’s not really repeating if I haven’t actually said it out loud.
    I wish it wasn’t true but it is.
    I wasn’t trying to get my feelings all mixed up and muddled but I did.
    I also know that we have reached the point where the way we have been doing things has to change.
    It’s not fair to her, or you, or him, or even me.
    but it hurts.
    I wish that it didn’t but it does.
    I don’t have a right to be hurt. You were never mine. I have lost nothing.
    Our friendship remains intact and I know that I should be grateful to end this way.
    slowly fading away back to a place of normalcy and reality rather than having everything blow up in my face.
    But I a little bit hate normal.
    I know how selfish that sounds but it is what it is.
    And despite everything I have no regrets about the decisions I have made along the way.
    I probably should but I don’t.
    I don’t regret snuggling or cider.
    I don’t regret feeling your lips on mine even if it was only for a few moments in time.
    I don’t regret letting you hold me and hearing your voice in that tone only a few know.
    I don’t regret losing part of my heart to you and knowing that I will never get it back.
    I wont put this on you.
    My lips are sealed.
    It’s time to finally bottle it up and move forward.
    You will be happy. She will be happy. He will be happy.
    and I…
    will work on it. Because I love you.
    Honestly I love everyone involved.

    Back to the armor I suppose. Time to patch it up.

    Somebody else’s girl,

    Bonnie

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