• Dialogue

    by  • September 6, 2015 • To You • 5 Comments

    Me: I really do love you a lot, I think that should be pretty obvious. I mean you’re smart and funny and you’ve got a great personality….

    You: And I’m pretty.

    Me: Yes, of course, you’re pretty. But you’ve seen what this has done to me, what it continues to do to me, and really that wasn’t even the full picture; that I guarantee I’ll never let you see. I just don’t think we’re on the same page about a lot of things between us.

    You: I know, like it took you SOOOOOOO long to come back to me.

    Me: That’s not really what I meant. Well, actually maybe it is. Why did I have to come back at all? You do realize you were the one who ended things? Several times actually.

    You: Yeah, maybe that’s true…but you had to show you’d be willing to fight for me.

    Me: Why? I hope you realize how insulting that is.

    You: Well, because I’m really pretty so I am entitled to that.

    Me: YOU’RE WHAT????

    You: You know what I mean.

    Me: No, I don’t think I do. Nonetheless, when have you ever showed me you were willing to fight? For me, not with me.

    You: Yeah, ummm so you’re actually not entitled to anything.

    Me: Of course. No wonder I find it so difficult to communicate with you.

    You: Well you wouldn’t have to if you would just read my mind like I want you to duh! You know, the old ‘do what I want, not what I say’ thing. Don’t even get me started on communication, talking with ‘people like you’ is always the same, it’s always “i didn’t say that, you took that out of context” blah blah blah bullshit.

    Me: Whatever, I’m not even going into that. You’re changing the subject.

    You: Well what were we talking about?

    Me: How pretty you are.

    You: Oh right. Yes, I’m glad you’ve noticed.

    Me: What I was trying to say, is I don’t understand why I have to be the one to do everything, why I’m the one who seemingly has to unilaterally repair this relationship. Seriously, what have you done?

    You: HOW FUCKING DARE YOU! Don’t you know what I’ve gone through in my life?

    Me: I do, and I’ll tell you the same thing I told my mother: “Going through hell doesn’t give you carte blanche with the people who care about you.”

    You: You’re an asshole.

    Me: Maybe, but that is what you told me you wanted from me. Really though, I’m out here, confronting demons that are literally about as old as I am, pushing myself to do things that I’m honestly not comfortable with, trying to shake off all my fear and insecurity every step of the way. And I don’t see you doing shit, except going about your daily life and waiting for me. I did the one thing you wanted that I said I wouldn’t do. Have you ever done anything that I asked for? Am I even allowed to ask for anything?

    You: No, not really. That’s not how it works. You see, me, being very pretty and all, I have my choice among men. I could get any guy I wanted. So, no, I don’t have to do anything. I’m the prize. You’re just some guy I might decide to make very lucky some day.

    Me: You sound like a trophy wife. I really thought you were better than that. I really thought you were different, someone that would work with me in a relationship.

    You: Well that’s what you get for making assumptions. I know you want me to contact you. Text you a ‘hey how’s it going’ or something like that. I know it would put you completely at ease. But that’s never going to happen. If you can’t deal with that, I’ll go find someone else who isn’t so much of a pussy.

    Me: Back to the emasculating threats, great.

    You: You’re the threatening one, remember? Lol

    Me: Yeah how could I forget.

    You: You just don’t understand how lucky you are to even have a chance with me. I’m not being mean, it’s just a fact: I could do better than you, and you’ll never be able to do better than me. You want to know what I bring to the table? Obviously, I’m really pretty. But beyond that, look at this bone structure, and my complexion, and I’m tall and I have nice hair. The children I give you will be beautiful. They will never feel ugly and unwanted like you have for the vast majority of your life. Don’t you want that?

    Me: What I want is for my children to have a mother that pulls her weight in the marriage. Someone who doesn’t throw a fit and berate their father or leave him just because she doesn’t get what she wants. Someone who doesn’t openly refer to her husband as a dog she is training. Yeah I remember that exchange, I just didn’t realize at the time that’s how you really feel about it. I want someone who takes accountability for themselves, and understands that means a whole lot more than just apologizing. Someone who’s willing to do the hard thing, the thing she didn’t want to do, if it helps the marriage or the family. And honestly, I haven’t seen any of that from you.

    You: Well, good luck doing any better.

    Me: Yeah, I guess I’ll see you when I see you.

    5 Responses to Dialogue

    1. Oh shit.
      September 6, 2015 at 10:05 pm

      Youre so right…

      What now?

    2. from an objective standpoint
      September 7, 2015 at 1:52 pm

      Would be interesting to read the dialogue recited from her memory.

    3. Fenn
      September 7, 2015 at 3:54 pm

      I’m sorry that you’ve been treated so poorly. Women and men alike can be vain and high up on their little horses, when inside they feel like shit about themselves, so they must treat others like worse shit so they can feel better. I don’t believe that ANYONE “deserves” anything. We all go through hell, but that’s part of living; whether we like it or not. We struggle in order to ever feel the good things in life. You must first fail before you can ever feel success. Sometimes the more shit you walk through, and even swim through, can have a better impact on you than any fake or artificial encounter. When you struggle and struggle for a long time, it only makes it feel that more incredible when you can see the good things and have a “success”.

      Don’t ever put yourself down by how you look or how you think others may view you. Love yourself first before you go and try to love another. You’ll find that not only will you feel better, but your relationship will be a lot healthier too.

      I wish you all the luck in the world. (This is my way of giving you a friendly nudge…. I’m a complete stranger to you, and yet I took the time to respond to you because I feel that you matter. You’re important and you shouldn’t feel badly for how you feel about anything. You’re human, and that means that you are going to feel certain ways whether people like them or not. You just have to learn how to give those feelings a voice, and someone out there will hear you. Keep looking for that equal relationship because it’s out there and I think you have a very good chance on finding it if you keep voicing what you want out of life. Keep asking and you’ll eventually find your answer, but you can’t give up on looking!)

    4. RUN....
      September 7, 2015 at 6:10 pm

      Omg is she a real person? Hell no!!! Red flag. Red flag. Run as fast as you can. You can do better

    5. author
      September 8, 2015 at 2:37 pm

      This wasn’t an actual conversation. More like a summary of years worth of interactions and behaviour. I certainly embellished certain aspects to drive home a point. I hope no one in reality is actually as vain as I portrayed my person.

      @objective: I agree,

      @fenn: Thank you.

      @run: I appreciate your concern. Theres a time for running, and theres a time for standing your ground and trying to make a relationship work. Im still on the latter.

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