• Maze of You

    by  • September 5, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, Confession • 0 Comments

    A–

    I was going to make this a love letter, that I’ve already written out to read to you.

    But maybe I just need to let you go.

    Yesterday you mentioned that you thought about discontinuing our physical relationship and focusing on our friendship. Thats when I realized I really didn’t want to let you go.

    I said “fine” which meant “stay”. I told you I probably wouldn’t be able to talk to you after, which really bothers me even more.

    You said you needed to think about it. You think in terms of the future, in terms of marriage and long term commitment. I think in terms of the now and how I feel about you now. And how you feel about me now. Since we both have these strong feelings, I think it’s silly to stop– but then again maybe this connection we have with each other is not the healthiest.

    You don’t think we would last because of how I am and I don’t know if we would but I am willing to try. You want to get married within the next 5 years and you don’t want to be ‘wasting your time’. I don’t plan to be married until I’m in my late 30’s or 40’s.
    You think I would not give you the affection you need– since I haven’t been since we have not been in a relationship. I probably should have anyways. You’re afraid I will run off on you and leave you. You know my plans and my life goals and they include a lot of travel. But I would love for you to come with me.

    I started relying on you for comfort. I rely on talking to you every day. I won’t lie, it’s addicting not to feel alone.

    You make my heart feel heavy and I don’t sleep right when I know we won’t be talking.
    I was fine before all this happened and now I don’t know what I’m supposed to do without your attention.

    I want to be with you. You drive me up the wall and I frustrate the hell out of you sometimes but we manage to figure it out somehow.

    Maybe, ultimately this isn’t even about me. Maybe you just have issues you need to deal with and I need to learn how to just let you go and let you be.

    I just thought we had the potential to be something.

    I love you for the wrong reasons.

    I feel like I am in a maze of you. And maybe I will continue to be in that maze unless I quit now.

    You so remind me of my first relationship, how I felt in it.

    I also thought that one was something real.

    I guess now that I’m at the end here, ultimately… you make me feel lost. And confused. And my heart is sore.

    I’m letting you go.

    Love,
    K

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