I want you to know that I will love many but I will never go a day without you crossing my mind even when I am not aware of it at the moment. I have loved so much I cant remember who really was my first love, but I do know that your the only person I can ever hate for the fact of someone else being with you even though I don’t want to be with you. If there can be one person who when I look at them the same every time … it would be you. When I met you that day in november ….is the same girl I see in my mind today and will for many more tomorrows . What I am doing makes no sense and I never make sense by my actions, my words don’t add up with my actions. But I know you better than yourself….. I know your already moved on before your heart can feel it yet. I know you will be fine without me in the picture. I know with time you will realize that what we had was not as real as it felt in our bruised hearts . And you will probably teach your daughter that or you might teach her how we both had a rough past, When you will look at her you are not gonna wanna see me and I am sure of that for a fact. When we first got close I made my life more dramatic than it was……. after time it became reality and I have. I never trusted you and I loved you to much. I never thought I can ever love anyone more than you and I was so certain about that ..I would jump of a roof to prove my point. But with time the love was always there but things changed ….. I didn’t change and you did….things became to real…..Then I realized my worst fear coming true… a time when I would slowly stop loving you. I never did but what happened was with time I realized that love was useless to my vandalized heart. I realized that not even you can change me and that hurt so much.. if you cant help me fully than no one can. But most importantly, with time you realized my issues were not teenage talk… you realized I was serious about all that I said. You moved on and when it crawled back came to me for comfort… when i heard your voice and cry it felt different….its not the same level of sorrow as it used to be. I knew you were somewhat better and I kept on speaking to you in a way I wasn’t accustomed to… I always wanted to close it knowing you will be fine.. but I couldn’t get myself to ever do that… I see your issues behind you but there not as clear anymore. I’m happy for you and I became a role model for you even though I tried, I couldn’t because that’s not what I was from the beginning.
I wish you the best and Thank you for giving me slightest moments and clips of love and beauty. You are not a chapter of my life but the reason the book is written.
love you ,