• i miss everything

    by  • September 3, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    I miss you all the time, but I miss you the most when I lie awake at night and think of all the wonderful times that we spent with each other.
    I know you have forgotten all about me. I have missed you ever waking day, and my heart still hurts, but I am getting better.
    I continue to smile and still go on without you. I know I have missed you but I will do my best to keep it inside now. How much I miss you will be only for me to know.
    I still wonder what you are doing, how you are, what we used to talk about, your voice, just everything
    I miss it all!!
    However, I feel that the parting of us was for the best because everything happens for a reason. Should destiny put us into a crossing road in the future that is when I will see you again.
    Until then, remember this: no matter what, even though the screaming fights, the disagreements, the mistakes I made and the tears we’ve cried, never, ever did I give up on you.
    It’s been a while, but until now, I’m still hoping to see the old you. The one, who would share his deepest feeling with me, updates me with things happening around you, waking up in the morning with a text from you. I just wish, I could turn back those times and have it paused.
    But like you’ve said, everything’s different now. I can’t stop you from changing….
    I just can’t
    I’m missing my friend
    I’m missing the old you.
    I still remember,
    How it felt to hug you
    How we fit into each other’s arms
    How it feel to press my chest against yours
    How it felt to not want to be the first to let go
    How it felt to kiss you
    How our lips locked
    How amazing our kisses were, we never seemed to get enough of them. How you always sighed at the end of it, and looked me in the eye, telling me you loved me.
    How it felt to let myself fall so deep for you, it almost drowned me, it almost killed me.
    How it felt to lose you
    How it felt to be the one who had to watch you go.
    How if felt to be the one whose world came crashing down, without anyone to save me
    How it warmed my heart to see your smile
    How we always had fun when we were together
    How we laughed and aggravated each other while we tried to sleep
    How we shared the giggles and the tears.
    Everything
    And now, tonight, I am alone. With my dog who is concerned because I have been crying a little louder than I have in a few weeks. This is because I miss you. And I wonder if God will ever let us be together again, because I’m not sure if I’ll ever get over you, and if I’ll ever stop thinking about you the way I do.
    And so I cry buckets, and buckets of weeping sighs and tears fall down my face into my shirt, and I am feeling no were near ready to forget you. I still wish you were here. I still wish you were with me. And I tell myself I’m over you, but all I am doing is lying to myself. I try to move on.
    You told me you loved me, I still remember your exact words. “I love you Chas” Those words haunt me now, it is a part of my past that I wish was my present, my future.
    But that’s all gone now, everything we’ve had together has vanished in your mind. If there were even a tiny sliver of hope, I’d take it and hold on to it.
    But now, knowing that all is lost… I lay here, tears brimming my eyes as I fall asleep. Unaware that I’m even crying, let alone all because of you. I wake up in the morning and think was I dreaming?
    It was you, I love reliving the memories all the time we shared. All the times I was not the best boyfriend. Yet you still were there for me. Still saying you loved me. And occasionally, I’ll glance over at your side of the bed and I can still see your face.If I close my eyes I can still smell you scented lotion and when I think of being happy I can still see your smile. And that gives me peace.

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