There is this guy from my past. We have never been in a relationship. However, I was in a relationship with his friend (thats how I met him). Even though we wanted each other badly, the most we ever did was talk dirty over the phone. We never touched each other. So my now husband and I moved overseas and this guy ended up moving to the same base as we did. When he arrived he gave me the look of “now we can do what we fantasized about on the phone”. I felt super guilty so I told my husband everything that happened and didn’t happen. We went to this guys’ barracks room and told him that I had told my husband everything and to stay away. My husband wanted to maintain a relationship with this guy and I did too I just knew it would be trouble. So I stuck to my convictions and I thought it would be better that we stay away from each other. He looked at me with a hurt look that til this day almost 10 years later I will never forget. He was angry with me. Believe me, it was not something that I wanted to do but knew it was the right thing. I could not keep up the betrayal of my husband but at the same time I didn’t want to hurt him. Time has passed and every now and again I will start to miss him so much that I want him back I my life as a friend. He will communicate with me but its not the same. Its emotionless and he asks more about my husband than he does me. In fact, if I didn’t reach out to him we wouldn’t chat at all. I miss laughing with him and telling him the sick, perverted things on my mind. I could tell him things easier than I can my husband. He is way more open minded than my husband and I love that. I want him back in my life but I feel like he hates me now. It feels like he is only being nice when responding to me. I’ve been going through so much emotionally and wish I had my friend back. I’ve decided that I’m never gonna send him another message or try to contact him in anyway. I wonder if he cares but I doubt it. I wish he could forgive me for the past and understand that I’m human and not perfect. I probably could have handled the situation better but I was young.Shit, I don’t even know how I feel now. I am very confused about whats going on in my mind and heart. I just want him to know I’m sorry and I miss my friend. Maybe one day we can all sip on coronas and grill some steaks but I doubt it.