I got played. We were in a relationship that you pushed for. You played me. I’m not ashamed for giving the relationship my all, just ashamed that I gave my all to someone who did not appreciate me or give back by choice. I suppose that’s what hurts the most. You chose to not treat me well and hurt me, like I chose to believe in the good in you. You were wrong that I would stay and I was wrong that you’d see beyond your behaviors and admit your mistakes. It takes two people to be together, two people to admit when they’re wrong and work towards building a healthier relationship. It was never two with us. It was somehow always my fault.
I’m trying to forgive and forget you, but it’s hard to not wish you the worst. I would not hurt someone in the way you hurt me. I’m not sure how you get by in life the way that you do and I pity you, I really do, for the way you perceive relationships with other people – I was always treated like the enemy. Nothing was ever good enough, and it hurt so much because I was giving you all I had. I invested in you with the naive belief that we got each other in special ways. Another fault of mine. You were emotionally unavailable. We were a ticking time bomb from the beginning.
In moving on, I’m trying to accept a version where we just believed relationships to be different things. Maybe you could not give back, but it’s hard to not see that as a choice. I know that I gave it my all and tried to love you in the ways you would let me. I’ll never regret in love at least.
I’ll find someone new, and you will become a ghost.