• I Can’t Seem to Let Go

    by  • August 19, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, Yearning • 0 Comments

    This may not even be the last letter I’ll write about you…

    I keep denying the feelings I am having right now in regards to you. I remember leaving you due to the fact that you treated me poorly and even had some sort of vendetta with my friends less than a year prior to my leaving. I thought I had no regrets, and that this was for the best. I even felt bitter towards you for what you did to me, though at some point I forgave you. Then my curiosity got the best of me, and I reached out to you thanks to a friend of mine who happened to have a link to your profile.

    Everything seemed okay once you got to know it was me who was contacting you. During this time, I forgot that not everything is what it seems. You and I skype’d one night and then the next day… It seemed like you just disappeared. Then I was given a message by your friend from you in regards to this. You basically said that I was not to be in your life anymore, since you didn’t want any connections to the person you used to me. Or so, you claimed.

    When I tried to say something to you, I was blocked… Which showed me that you were entirely serious. I made the mistake of trying to do this more than once. I wish you would just… hear me out. I know there is nothing I can do, and I need to accept that you most likely will never hear me out. All I have of you is this email that you sent me two years ago. But, due to it’s contents I refuse to even read it again.

    It really does hurt that the bond we had is gone. Sometimes I think that I’m over this completely, and feel that I can get on with my life, but I’m having a hard time do all of these things. I can’t even help but think that you may hold something against me because while I’ve been blocked, you let someone back into your life despite your previous statements of refusing to do this for everyone. I don’t understand why you did it for them. It didn’t feel exactly fair, either… It still doesn’t. I really want to move on, I want this whole thing to stop haunting me.

    I’m sorry for whatever it is I did, all I can do right now is try to move on. It hurts, and I don’t know when I will fully do this. But, I’m sure these feelings will wither someday. I hope that you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I know you’ll probably never read this because I don’t think I’ll be sending this to you any time soon.

    Note: I know I sound very self-pitying and whiny in this, but this has been on my mind for a good few months. I’m sorry if it sounds like I am being as such. I just need to let this out. Somewhere, some way.

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