I’ve been thinking about you so much lately. I wish you would have tried. You never were willing to try for me. You said you still loved me – that you never stopped. So why wouldnt you be with me? Oh, he’s better for me than you? I think my heart knows what’s “better” for me. I married him because you did not want me. I married him because you wouldn’t leave her. I meant it when I said I still love you. I meant it when we sat on the beach and tried to envision being together again. You were there when I couldn’t stop crying because I wanted that night to last forever. I think about the kiss that “never happened” and I think about all the ways we hurt each other over the years. Letting you go is impossible. I knew from the day I met you that we would always be together and my heart just will not let the idea go. You want me to hate you but I don’t. You want me to be happy but I’m not. I feel so stupid to think you would be with me, would actually feel the way you said you do. You’ve never realized and I know you never will realize how much I love you and everything that you threw away by not giving us a well deserved second chance. I keep thinking one day it will hit you. One day you’ll need to know what could’ve been. It’s been five years and I’m not over you. I don’t know that I ever will be. I don’t think I want to be.
I tried so hard for you.
Looking back, I left you for stupid reasons. Why couldn’t you just tell me the truth? Did you ever love me? I don’t wish this feeling on anyone but I wish you would feel it towards me. I find you in my dreams – a world where you stayed mine. But the reality of it is, you’re not mine anymore.
But oh my God I wish you were.