• Hey it’s OK

    by  • August 7, 2015 • To You • 1 Comment

    When I met you, my life was a total mess. The kind of mess that makes you dread being asked about things. I knew you didn’t need that. I would have left him for you, had I known you loved me. Regardless of the consequences. But I would never want you to have to deal with my problems. What did I have to give you? Depression, anxiety, my problems, his drama, what else… I didn’t want to be anyone’s “project”, I’d rather handle my own shit first. You didn’t seem to mind me leaving when you saw me, even though I’m sure you understood it would be the last time. So I figured you wouldn’t mind me leaving for good. This shouldn’t be anything new to you. I’m sorry you don’t believe this truth, but I only have one.

    I sought you out because I missed you. Selfish, I know. Maybe I just hoped you would come out and tell me that you never cared. Anything would be fine, any answer, but openly, to my face.

    Why do you think I kept coming back? You think I couldn’t get ego boosts from anyone else all this time? Why did it have to be you? Why would I resort to tolerating your insults if that was all I wanted? Did I ever ask you for anything?

    You see when you have even the smallest bit of suspicion in you that the person you fell in love with maybe loved you back one time, it’s not going to let you sleep at night until you find out for sure. And if you are not at least trying to find out, then you are lying to yourself, that’s how I see it.

    Don’t worry though, I’m not trying to come back or start anything. Not unless you want the same, and I surely would not expect that from you. I will not “bother” you anymore. You never believed a single word I said, and you have no reason to start now.

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    One Response to Hey it’s OK

    1. Same
      June 27, 2017 at 12:08 am

      I try to think back on it. I start to feel the anger, but then it is replaced by guilt and regret. Then I realize how stupid it was to get mad at you, because it was my fault too. I didn’t mean to hurt you at the time, I didn’t know you really had a boyfriend, but then everything backfired. I wanted to make you feel special that day, because I felt the happiest that day, like nothing could bother me, then I remember when I met you..like it gave me hope that there are girls in the world that I can relate too. Then I saw you, just avoiding me like the plague ,sad, after seeing me go out with another girl…which didn’t make sense, until later on. After all, you were taken right? Taken women should be happy, right? I mean I’ve lived my whole life seeing couples, and thought.. Wow, they must be truly lucky… I’m always the guy that the girl leaves, to go back to her ex, and boyfriend… and you proved it. I don’t know. I guess , I am fine now, own place, new city, new life.. but your ghost still lingers. I mean I guess, I care..since I’m still writing about it. I’m not sure if you want the same, either…I mean we were the perfect love story, that never was but could’ve been. Don’t worry, I realized it was my fault too, and if there was anyway that I could’ve apologized without being shamed, I would’ve. You never asked for this anyway, It was me that expressed my feelings not you, I just acted on impulse because I felt it too,like I truly wanted you to be a big part of my life without thinking of the consequences. I’m not sure if you feel it is still too late, but I’ve grown a lot since then. I got my life together, yet even now I still feel lonely when I think of you. I want you to bother me, while I’m still here and available. I want to be a part of your life, but only if you want me too…I hope you are doing well.



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