You have absolutely no idea how much I care. No one does. It goes right down to the absolute bottom of my being. I love you so much it hurts to be around you; to live with you; to be near you.
Tonight made me realize, that I can’t control myself around you. I need as much ability about myself to be able to keep who I am close to me, or I lose myself. Or I find myself. I talk mean to people, which is unlike me.
I’m not who I thought I was around you. I’d like to think that I am the real me around you but I don’t think that that’s true. I think I am the pinnacle that I want to reach, when I am near you.
I love you for who you are because you are the person that I want you to make me.
I want to be that perfect, successful person.
But I am ridiculously intoxicated right now (apologies for my spelling mistakes – so many drafts were made), I’d like to think that I am in love with you because of the person that I expect you to make me.
I wish you had continued to encourage me as a friend instead of stop talking to me at all and making it awkward at college.
I care about people too much and you are absolutely no different. I am going to regret this in the morning – if I wake up, I have so much more going on – I care about you with my whole heart, no one else has room, and that is not a great thing for my friends. One of my friends gives me so much more support than you ever have – tutor or not – and I hate you. I hate you but I love you.
And that scares me, and makes me excited and makes me hate life.
I hate everything.
But I love that you make everything worth living for, however I know I have the ability to make everything that much better than what I can see now on my own.’