I wish there was a switch. I don’t want to keep feeling this way anymore. Whenever I think about you, my heart beats a little faster, then I berate myself for doing it. I hate that I love you. I hate that I feel this way. I just wish it would go away.
Even better, I wish you loved me to. You are so amazing, every moment I’ve had with you has been incredible. And every 11:11, every shooting star, airplane, dandelion is my heart reaching out to something that I hope will give me what I need to satisfy the darkness that comes with loving you. Whether it be a release from this terrible pain or else, I need it soon. I can’t keep doing this.
If you ever saw this, all you would think is that she is some depressed, crazy person. When I get dark, that’s all I see. But this “strong, independent girl who’s focusing on her future and doing all these great things” face that everyone sees, it fools me too sometimes. My future seems boring without you in it.
Now I feel like some whiny girl. Yuck.
I can do better. I can do this without you.
Fuck these contradicting and confusing thoughts.