• Dear Alex

    by  • July 25, 2015 • To You • 2 Comments

    Dear Alex,

    It’s been over a year. I still love you. I’ve never cared for someone as deeply as I did- as I do, you. You taught me about myself. That I’m flawed- obsessive, needy. That I have an ego. But you also showed me that I have a great capacity to love. I’ve changed so much since we first met. So have you.

    As corny and dumb fuckery as this sounds, I’m not sure I’ll ever stop caring for you. You were everything I dreamed of when I was younger. I never felt like I was good enough. By the way I did end up deciding to take up biology. I think I’m going to be a doctor.

    You changed my life. I feel so much love and compassion for all of those around me. I know I hurt you growing up, I want to change that. I want to be a positive presence in people’s lives. I want to take responsibility for my actions and my words. I often feel like contacting you, but know I shouldn’t. I’ve been happier since we stopped talking. I know I have a tendency to romanticize the past. I’m pretty sure there is a good chance you hate me by now, or think i’m a misogynist, Or are happily in a new relationship.

    I’ve been seeing other people too. It took my mind off of things while it lasted. I have never told anyone else I love them, because the truth is, I’ve only ever loved you. I’m really sorry that you have had to deal with such a depression for such a long time. I regret so much not being there for you first as my friend. Instead I was more concerned with “having you” or being “with you.” I am so sorry about that. I was selfish.

    The truth is Alex, I’ll always think of you as my friend. I’ll always wish the best for you. I’ll always wonder if you’re doing okay. And I think I’ll always love you, in a sense. Did you wind up moving to Texas for your dad’s business?

    Wherever you are, whatever your endeavors, I wish you the best. From the bottom of my heart.

    Sincerely, your friend,
    J

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    2 Responses to Dear Alex

    1. J smith
      March 24, 2017 at 4:28 am

      You are still selfish. If you truly loved me you would do the right thing. The only right thing is to be the person you should have been and return and heal both of our broken hearts. Words mean nothing. Actions mean everything.




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    2. J smith
      March 24, 2017 at 4:39 am

      You chose to lie and abandon me for no reason. What you have learned is that the loss is yours. Its in your power to make this right yet you don’t. That makes you and this letter an on going liar.




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