I have gone back and forth for a long time deciding whether or not to write or send you this but I need to clear the air and tell you the truth about what happened in February.
Several times during our relationship ____ made allusions to suicide. But on Thursday the 5th of February, while ____ and I were still together, things got more serious. He made repeated calls and texts to me warning that not only did he have a method in mind, but also a time frame. I left a potluck I was at with _____ and drove to his house to find him in a agitated and horrible state. When I arrived he was on the phone with an old friend of his from Florida. I got on the phone with this friend and promised to stay with _____that night and check in the next morning to confirm that all was well. The next day Friday the 6th of February I took him to the faculty staff clinic for psych evaluation and to get meds (they gave him Klonopin in addition to the Effexor he already takes for anxiety and depression). Throughout all of this, despite everything, I still loved him dearly and hoped that we could come out of this stronger.
The following day, Saturday the 7th of February I did ____’s taxes for him as he had never done his own taxes and he was worried about them. After I finished, he posted on facebook ‘woohoo got my taxes done, time for shopping!’ and proceeded to send me texts all day while high on Klonopin and alcohol saying that he ‘felt great, was out shopping, and thinking of heading to _______!’ That night, even though I was unhappy that he went from suicidal to recklessly mixing alcohol with his meds and drinking at _____, _____, ______, I remained in contact and hopeful. At 10 that night we said goodnight, he said he loved me and my daughter more than anything, and knew we would always be together. He said that he would get back into therapy and do right by me/us. What I didn’t know until recently, is that the morning of February 8th (the morning after I did his taxes) he had gone on ok cupid and by that evening set up a date with you. He was never single ____, I did not abandon him, I was trying to help him get back on track.
His out of control behavior continued and the day after Darwin Day I found out from friends that you (although at the time I only knew that he had woken up with a random person he didn’t remember bringing home from the Alcove) went home with him while he was out of control on Klonopin, alcohol and had wrecked his car. He texted me at 10 pm that night and at 6:30 in the morning (likely right after you left, though who knows maybe you were still sleeping) but only said, ‘I’m sad, and scared and doing stupid things. I love you more than anything’ I was heartbroken. Throughout this period (until the beginning of March) I received up to 100 messages a day from him professing his undying love for me and my daughter. His messages and behavior got so intense I went to Title IX on campus to file a complaint and had an order of no contact put in place. I had wondered throughout how/why you were ok with hanging out with someone who had told you about his recent behavior. I’m guessing it didn’t come up.
His story has been that he should in fact be mad at you because ‘____ took advantage of me and tried to rape me after the Alcove’ and that after that night you two had no physical contact ever despite your spending the night ‘only two or three times that he remembers.’ He said he was never attracted to you, was sad and lonely, and it was you that wanted more. This is likely not true. The truth for him is a moving target. He lied throughout our relationship about contacting his exes and denying our relationship so he could keep one foot in while at the same time proposing marriage to me. He got caught over and over. I should have been wiser. I know Josh Eyer gave you a warning that you may have brushed off. You seem smart, have a great circle of friends, and support system. Avoid this one. His lies are never ending.