It’s obvious you care about me. (Or maybe you just feel guilty – if so please don’t. The absolute worst feeling in the world is seeing people pity you. I used to get that from your friends a lot, standing before you looking helpless.) But I think you really still care after all this time. That means a lot. You are my entire world, and when I feel like I mean nothing to you it kills me inside.
I think the biggest problem for me is just not knowing what to believe. You know how much I like my theories. For the last few years I feel like I’ve been putting together pieces of a shredded newspaper, only there’s a couple different ways the pieces all seem to fit together. I want the truth, about everything.
I’m going to stop myself there for a second, because its occurred to me that its possible you never actually lied to me. Maybe the truth just hurt so much I chose to disregard it and search for alternative possibilities. It doesn’t help how many times in the past your friends have told me you’re a serial liar. I don’t want to believe that, but at least subconsciously I’m sure its tainted my perception of you. Between that and conflicting pieces of evidence, separate incidences I just cant understand how they could co-exist, I’ve been lost for so long looking for answers I know I will probably never fully believe.
So I want to bring it to you. If you want, set me straight. This time I will choose to believe what you have to say. I know it could be very hard for me, but I feel like my personal growth is being stunted by the constant wish-washing of my emotions.
I love you, even if you will never love me