• dear diary

    by  • July 14, 2015 • * Safe for Work *, Depression • 0 Comments

    Dear Diary,

    Maybe it is too late for me to write letters to you. I didn’t know i would come to the point of feeling as helpless as this that only choice is to write what I feel.

    I am feeling very sad. I don’t know what to do with my life. This is becoming worthless. I am broke. So broke after i had work so hard for more than two years. I have nothing now. Literally have nothing and experiencing deficit.

    I have lots of laughters with lots of people cause I think I am fun to be with. But I realize that my friends are few. I don’t know why people don’t have clues that they are hurting me. I am always sensitive of my jokes but they are always giving me foul ones.

    I hate myself. As always. I don’t know how to love myself. I don’t know but I think my only real allies in this world is Ate and Sheilla, whose lives are somehow same with me, poor and helpless.

    My life is a mess! Not happy at work. Not financially stable. Poor family. And I think my boyfriend is no longer excited with our relationship.

    The saddest part, i don’t know what and how to pray. I never question God being God. I never doubt His power and His love. But I am always wondering, why is He a complicated God? Why does He gave people their own will and desires if He knew that most people would choose what He considers SINS? And If He is telling us that these sins are what causing us to be sad. Why is His love so difficult to understand? Life could be lived simple and painless,right? If everything that is permissible is good and not harmful for humans. but He did not let things that way.

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