I wrote you a letter a year ago. and in that note i promised to love you, everyday. we dated for two and were still in this weird limbo of never really being over. I couldn’t promise you a forever so instead i made that promise.
we broke up for two months and managed to tangle our strings again. which i believe to be one of the worst mistakes i’ve made in a while. i destroyed the amount of progress i made without you just for the opportunity to bask in the our ruins a little longer.
i hope for change in you all too much. i so badly want you to grow with me and i’ve stressed that throughout our relationship. it sincerely…i can’t find a word to describe this feeling my heart has. what do you do when the person you love most in this world refuses to grow? it’s insanely frustrating especially because i’ve tried to hard to help you. I wanted a future together and for some reason it’s too hard for you to have any sort of gumption. but you can’t force someone to do anything and i have a problem with always wanting to get my way.
i can’t live in this uncertainty with you. it’s more painful than being with you or without you i can honestly say. being together, but not together. being timid and afraid and unsure and sad and hurt. you used to make me feel so unconditionally loved i had not a worry in the world. that is destroyed.
i am not myself. i have not been myself in so long. i need to go back and learn to make myself happy. somehow recently i’ve replaced that feeling with you and i hate feeling as if i NEED anyone. you have way too much of an effect on my mood and i can’t allow you to treat my heart like this.
you’re right in saying doing this is unhealthy and will only diminish the love we have for each other. like you said you pulled me back in just to push me away. so now i need you to leave me alone and let me move on. i asked one simple thing from you, to love me and let me feel loved. i feel disrespected and alone and i can’t handle it anymore. i cannot become pathetic. i am better than this and i am way more than you deserve.
why is it so hard to let go i just want to feel like myself again